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Terrible Parenting Advice – Do As I Say, Not As I Do

pointing finger symbolizing a "do as I say" postureUgh.
What miserable advice.
Have you ever had someone use this on you?
Did you want to strangle them after they said it?

There are people in life who we “look up to” with respect. And we expect those people to live consistent lives. We don’t want to hear people telling us to “do as I say, not as I do.” Especially when our parents say this to us during those growing-up years.

As a youth minister, I had numerous teenagers tell me that their parents told them to behave in ways that these same parents were unwilling to live. Parents saying things like “don’t you dare let me catch you ever smoking ” while holding a cigarette, “don’t you ever let me find out you are drinking” while holding a bottle, “you need to go to church” while unwilling to step through a church door themselves.

Now please don’t get defensive over the three things I just used as examples…we can discuss the merits of these another day. These are just some of the things I heard from teens most often. The point is simply that the inconsistency of such statements when paired with the behaviors is hard for anyone to respect. There is just too much hypocrisy in the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do.”

In the same way as children want their parents to be consistent, we also want to see integrity and consistent behavior in our bosses, police officers, judges, president… anyone who is in authority over us. We don’t want people telling us to be honest if they are deceitful. We don’t want them telling us to “obey the law” when they consistently break it. We don’t want someone telling us we should “be forgiving” when they are full of venom and resentment toward others. So how well do you do in this area of consistent living?

“Right will always be right even if no one is doing it, and wrong will always be wrong even if everyone is doing it.”

Our character is very important to God. Your actions should show your character at all times, even when no one is looking. But we are so good at putting up fake fronts – external actions that in no way resemble our inward feelings. We smile at someone and shake their hands, while we inwardly sneer at them. We say things are great and post a glowing Facebook status to indicate our life is almost perfect when we are actually going through terribly difficult struggles. We can do such a great job at inconsistent living.

Let me give one additional area where many of us Christians struggle with consistency – God’s Word.

a photo of a page of the Bible “Do you think that the Bible is important?”
“Of course.”
“Do you think it has information within its pages that is important for your life?”
“Certainly.”
“What if I offered you money in an agreement where you could never read the Bible again or hear any words from the Bible ever again? Would you take one thousand dollars to never read or hear any words from the Bible ever again?”
“No, definitely not.”
“What about if I offered you $100,000? $1 million?”
“No, the information in the Bible is too important for me to never read or hear from it again.”
“Come on. Just tell me how much money it would take?”
“There is absolutely no amount you could offer me to make that decision, because there is important information in the Bible from God and if I choose to never read it or hear it again, then I won’t be able to discover what God wants to tell me – the Bible is obviously priceless to me.”
“Well, if the Bible is priceless to you, then how much time did you spend reading it last week?”

How can we say we have a priceless book – a book with a value that cannot be calculated – and yet not read it at all during the week? Do we really believe that the Bible is all that important? If we do, then our behavior should become consistent with our belief?

Let’s get rid of the “Do as I say, Not as I do” attitude in every area of our lives – including regarding God’s Word.

What are other times when have you heard this phrase used (and therefore wanted to strangle the person who said it)?

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Relationships

Living Everyday In the Intensive Care Waiting Room

Many of us have had to spend time in an Intensive Care Waiting Room.

Knowing a loved one is behind those closed doors fighting for life.

Waiting with expectation for each of those 15-minute visits when the hospital staff opens the doors to let us see our loved one for a brief moment.

icu waiting room sign with hours of visiting posted

A pastor wrote about the ICU waiting room:

I have spent long hours in the hospital intensive care unit… watching with anguished people… listening to urgent questions: Will my husband make it? Will my child walk again? How can I live without my companion of thirty years?”

The intensive care waiting room is different from any other place in the world. And the people who wait are different. They can’t do enough for each other. No one is rude. The distinctions that divide people in society melt away. A person is a father first, and any other distinctions are less important. The man without a job loves his wife as much as the successful business owner loves his, and everyone understands this. Each person pulls for everyone else.

In the intensive care waiting room, the world changes. Vanity and pretense vanish. The universe is focused on the doctor’s next report. If only it will show improvement. Everyone knows that loving someone else is what life is all about.

Could we learn to love like that if we realized that every day of life is a day in the waiting room?

Life is like the Intensive Care Waiting Room, and yet we often fail to remember this. Life is full of struggle and pain and difficulty. But instead of an illness or injury that has us struggling for physical life, our real struggle is one of the spirit. Temptations and sin pour into our lives leading to worry and anxiety that chokes out our ability to breathe. And yet, we fail to realize that every one of us walking this planet are struggling in much the same way.

Therefore everyone needs to pull for everyone else.

Loving others is what life is all about. Let’s stop being divisive over secondary matters. Let those less important things melt away. Let someone know that you love them and are pulling for them today.

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Relationships

Does Being A Christian Require You To Be A Jerk?

I am not a jerk.
Well, at least I am pretty sure I am not a jerk.

A jerk is an obnoxious, annoying person who treats other people badly.

I have known plenty of jerks, but I don’t count myself as one of them. Of course, as I think about this… most people who are jerks, have no clue that they are! So maybe I’m a jerk and don’t know it.

But what I mean is that I don’t intentionally set out to treat other people badly. I try to get along with everyone. I don’t set out with a plan to step on anyone’s toes. But I have discovered that sometimes the things I share from the Bible can “sting” a bit. So by simply sharing certain things from the Bible, even when done so out of love and with a compassionate heart, I sometimes get labeled as a jerk.

Have you ever found this to be true? That as a Christian you are commanded to speak the truth in love to others, just as Jesus did, but that people might not be very receptive to your ideas, because they might be contrary to how they are living.

But isn’t the Bible supposed to be a book about God’s love? Yes, but the Bible is also a book of conviction.

If you study the ideas contained in the Bible, what you find is that its content is going to be challenging and sometimes even painful. God tells us that His Word should change us. The Bible is not a storybook simply to be used for entertainment. Nor is it just a history book to keep us from repeating the mistakes of the past. There are entertaining, historical accounts within its pages, but God tells us that His Word has a deeper purpose.

Medieval SwordGod says to us that His Word is living and active and is sharper than a sword. If I properly understand the purpose of a sword… a sword is designed to pierce and to cut. So the Bible, by its own admission, is designed to pierce you… Ouch. That doesn’t sound pleasant. And it seeks to cut out the places in your life that aren’t in-line with God’s character… Ouch Ouch! No one enjoys being pierced or carved on. We prefer comfort.

But Jesus didn’t preach a message of comfort. He came preaching the messages of “Repent,” “Deny Yourself,” and “Follow Me.” He commanded lives be changed for God and for hearts to turn back to God. Conviction and life change should be a regular part of our lives if we are following Jesus.

God knows what is best for me and tells me to present myself to Him “as a sacrifice.” Another unpleasant word…

Sacrifice.

A sacrifice was killed – completely killed. (Is there any other way?) Not halfway killed. Not maimed. But completely and thoroughly killed. So for me to be a sacrifice means I give up everything… Everything. When we present ourselves to God as a sacrifice, we are saying we give up running our own lives and controlling our own plans. We “kill” our will and our desires in order to fulfill His. How well am I doing this? How well are you at it?

God’s goal is to transform me into the likeness of Christ. And as I am going down that path of transformation being pierced and cut, I find it to be painful. Killing my own desires isn’t pleasant. But with each step of killing more of myself, I discover that He gives me more peace and more joy and more abundant life than I had before. So the piercing and carving is painful, but brings a better end. I think the reason it often hurts so much is because of how tightly I am holding onto the things that aren’t good for me. I need to hold to them more loosely.

So even though I sometimes say things that sting, I am not a jerk. (Not usually, anyway.) And certainly not when I’m sharing God’s Word with others out of love. In fact, there is nothing more loving than helping someone become more like Christ and experience the peace, joy, and abundant life that He provides. Or course, at times, some people might not appreciate it!

So don’t be a jerk today, but do share God’s Word with others.