Categories
Relationships

Our neighbors keep showing us love during the COVID crisis

What a change we have encountered these past few weeks. A loss of gathering together due to COVID-19. And though we can’t gather, our neighbors have continued to show us love and care through this crisis.

The “art of neighboring” seems to be a lost art in so many areas, but in our little community of Newton, some still know how it’s done. I was recently asked to write something about how church members should care for their communities during this time, and as I came up with my ideas, they were all obtained from how my neighbors have cared for Paige and me these past two months.a picket fence and a neighbor's house to think about how to interact with our neighbors

Jesus calls all of His followers to be salt and light to those who live around us. We should take that command seriously. But how can we do this effectively right now in the midst of quarantines and “sheltering in place”?

First, you need to love your community. Pastor John Knox prayed in the 1500s, “Give me Scotland or I die!” I believe that same type of prayer should be the your heart’s cry for your community. God has placed you in your neighborhood “for such a time as this,” and here are some ideas of how our neighbors have been salt and light to us (and how we should now be salt and light to others):

1. Pray for your neighbors.
Even before I found out I had lost my job, we had neighbors who were praying for us. And since learning of my new situation, those prayers have been increased. The most important action you can do for your neighbors is to pray for them – to lift up their names and their needs to the Father. I am so thankful that my neighbors continue telling me how they are praying for us. Of course, for you to pray for your neighbors by name, you will first need to know their names. If you have not yet met your neighbors, then start praying that God will give you an opportunity to meet them! One of our neighbors continues finding ways to meet the people who live around us and she tries to bless them in many different ways. (Thank you, Apryl!)

2. Look for opportunities to interact face-to-face.
I read of one person who made sure to go to her mailbox everyday at the same time as her neighbor, just so she could begin a conversation. That’s a great plan, but one which requires intentionality. Like a neighborhood missionary, look for when your neighbors are outside, and make it a point to go out at that time to strike up a conversation. People are hungry for relationships right now! For example, another one of our neighbors has used this time to build an outdoor seating area where she has invited several of us over to sit and visit while “socially distancing”! (Thank you, Amy!) And when another one of my neighbors recently got a drone stuck in the tree, we all stood around and visited together while some other friends got it down. (Fun times with Zach, Amy, Lewis, and Brian!) And when Paige and I were visiting with a friend outside, several other adults who saw us visiting, walked over to join in the conversation. (It ended up being us, Georgia, Jan, Abby, Carl, Seane [and bulldogs Rudy and Bella!] – as we were watching Ellie, Mabry, and Aimee ride bikes!) We had a great time visiting. And if you don’t know about your neighbor’s relationship with God, then just start simple and work toward gospel conversations, such as asking how you could pray for them.

3. Serve your neighbors.
For example, my across the street neighbor who we love to eat steaks with recently called me one morning. He said, “I am going to the store. Do you need me to pick up anything for you while I’m out?” That was so simple, yet it meant so much during the time of quarantine. (Thank you, Carl!) But why stop serving one another just because we stop “sheltering-in-place”? Call your neighbors to ask if they need anything. And if you don’t have their phone number, then when you intentionally meet them at the mailbox, tell them you’d like to get their number so you can check on them!

4. Show your neighbors that you are “For” them.
Bless your neighbors in unlooked-for ways. For example, if you go purchase some plants for the garden, purchase a few extras, and share them with your neighbors. Or hand-write a brief note of how you appreciate them and how you are praying for them. I had a friend do this for me just the other day after learning of my loss of a job. (Thank you, Gary!) We all still love getting hand-written notes – though this is also a dying art! Or make a little extra when you prepare a meal in order to take some food to them (we have neighbors that do this for us – and it is fantastic! Thank you Carl, Seane, and Amy!). These are all small gestures that have a huge impact.

I agree with Rosaria Butterfield who says, “God never gets the address wrong.” God has placed you at your address to be salt and light to your neighbors. He didn’t get your address wrong. God wants you to meet and minister to the people He has placed around you so that you can impact your neighbors with His light and love. I’m so glad my neighbors have been salt and light to Paige and me!

Let’s get out of the saltshaker!

[And if you would like to have these posts delivered right to your inbox, simply click here to go to our contact/subscribe page and sign up.]

.

Categories
Relationships

The Need for Community in the midst of COVID and the Loss of a Job

Well, it’s been almost a year-and-a-half since I have posted on my website. For the first three years of my site (2014-16), I was faithful to post multiple times each week. Then my postings became less consistent during the next two years. And in 2019 I took a break from posting on this site, as our church began a Bible reading plan together. During that time, I chose to shift from posting here to posting to our Church Bible reading Facebook group. I planned to get back to posting here in January 2020 after we completed our Bible reading, but then I took on a new job with LifeWay in late 2019. I went through training, “hit the road” with the new work in January, and felt I was just about ready to resume posting, as I felt that I had gotten into a routine.
But then COVID hit.
And routine went out the window.

Fast-forward several weeks… into the “shelter-at-home” work routine, as we have all been struggling to figure out. And just about the time I thought I had a handle on it… on April 29th, our LifeWay Church Partner team was told that our department was being eliminated due to the economic downturn. Ummm…. wait, what?

Wow… talk about an announcement that turns your world upside-down! But of course, this just puts me in a situation like many other people. I can certainly now relate to that feeling you get when you are “let go” from a job.one person in an empty parking lot - pointing out our need for community

So I spent the past week-and-a-half getting my resume together, answering phone calls and emails about the loss of the job (and having such amazing support from everyone!), and praying about what God’s next assignment will be for us. And now that I am through with the 2019 Churchwide Bible reading plan, my late 2019 training for LifeWay, my early 2020 new work routine, my recent job loss announcement, and this last week of resume preparation… What should I do with my time? Well, I think it is time to use some time to get back into posting on the website.

So here goes…
Let me start with something I recently shared with my team that I read from Andrew Peterson’s book, Adorning The Dark, about the need for community with others. Peterson is a song-writer, and these excerpts from his book are about his own “loss of a job” when he got the call that his contract was not being renewed by his recording label.

…I got the fated phone call that I was being dropped.

Oh, how I wished Rich Mullins were still alive, just to have someone to talk to. I didn’t want to be worried about money. I wanted to be a barefoot vagabond musician who laughed his way through trouble and sang about Jesus to whomever would listen. But when you have a wife and three babies, you can’t just not think about money. I needed to pay the mortgage. I needed to pay for diapers, formula, shoes, electricity. And at the same time there was this calling, this vocation, which as far as I could tell hadn’t changed.

…in the moment I was devastated. …I can still remember the brick-in-the-gut feeling I had when the call was over, the eerie, foreboding sense that something significant had just happened which would alter the shape of my life. …I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, wiped a tear from my eye, and walked back into the studio. The guys were probably laughing at something and didn’t notice at first that my face was pale.

“I just got dropped from my label,” I told them. They stopped laughing and offered their condolences. Then after a few moments of silence someone said, “So about this guitar part. Do you want it to come in at the top of the chorus?”
And we were off and running.

…there was no time to wallow in self-pity, but I was surrounded by friends, by community, by people who told me implicitly by their involvement in my life and work that this was still worth doing, label or no label. It felt so good to walk back into that basement, roll up my sleeves, and try to craft an album about Jesus.

That’s community. They look you in the eye and remind you who you are in Christ. They reiterate your calling when you forget what it is. They step into the garden and help you weed it, help you to grow something beautiful.

…[We chose to] stay the course and keep writing the kinds of songs we believed in…. And the only way we could see [this] option working was to lock arms with one another in community. …Suddenly, label or no label, radio or no radio, we belonged to something, and that something was each other. We were no longer alone. Perhaps most important, it meant that whenever I was discouraged, I had friends who gave me courage. If I wanted to quit, someone was there to look me in the eye and tell me my songs mattered….

We all need community. I have it with the team members who are on the same journey with me now that our team has been eliminated. I have it with a group of pastors who have been my co-laborers and friends. I have it with a church family that has grown me over the past 10.5 years and has been so supportive of me now that I have lost this recent job. Who do you have community with? (If you don’t feel connected to community like Peterson talks about, I would me encourage you to connect with a local church family who will hold out both love and truth to you at the same time. They are who have provided me the most consistent community throughout my life.)

Paige and I are so very grateful for so many of you who God has placed in our lives to “lock arms” with and travel this journey called life together. Thank you for reminding us who we are in Christ, for giving us courage and support when we are discouraged, and for looking us in the eyes to remind us that our calling from the Lord matters.

Thank you for being a part of my community during this time!
Much love my friends,
Brian

Categories
Relationships

Choosing to Love Requires You to be Selfless. Love is Not a Feeling.

Choosing to love someone versus feeling loving toward someone. Should there be a difference? And why am I being asked to be selfless? Shouldn’t others be meeting my needs? As I mentioned in my last post, Gary Chapman identified Five Love Languages that people can express and need:

  • Affirming Words
  • Providing Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch
  • All five of these can be important to us, but there is usually one that will be more important for you to receive than the other four.

    Without asking him or her, what do you think your spouse’s primary love language is?
    What do you think your spouse’s secondary love language is?
    Have your spouse do the free online test at 5lovelanguages.com to see if you are right.

    The primary and secondary love languages are seldom the same for a husband and wife. But that doesn’t mean you cannot fill each others’ tanks. Instead, you must each ask this question – Can I fill my spouse’s love tank even though it is different from how I naturally show love?
    photo of the feet of bride and groom on wedding day symbolizing selfless love
    Being “in love” is not a feeling. Love is something you choose to do for someone else. We know this to be true, but then we often operate as if love is a feeling. For example, we know it is a choice, because we say on our wedding day that we will be committed to one another for better or for worse. Therefore, you know that you must choose to love…even when times get “worse.”

    We also know love to be a choice based on how we choose to love our children. We tell them, “No matter what you do, I will always love you.” And then we fulfill that statement. Even when they mess up. Even when they hurt our feelings. Even when they disobey us or betray us. The selfless love of a parent remains – no matter what.

    And though we understand this with our children, too often we are unwilling to provide that same level of selfless love to our spouse – the person who we stood before God and everyone and said “I vow to love you till death do us part, even in times of sickness and even if things in life get worse.”

    We know that love is a choice and not a feeling because that is how we have chosen to love our children – unconditionally. Be sure to remind yourself that it is to be the same with your spouse – love is a choice, so choose to love your spouse unconditionally.

    If love is a choice, then we can choose to speak our spouse’s love language even when it is not our primary love language. We can decide to show them our love, even when the way they want to receive love isn’t the way we most naturally give it. We can choose to do this because, as the Bible says, “love is not self-seeking.” Choose to be selfless. Choose to love.

    .

    Categories
    Relationships

    I Recommend that You Find Out Your Spouse’s Love Language

    Do you know your love language? Do you know your spouse’s? How about your children’s?

    Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, has been around for more than 20 years. And it is still a powerful resource to help us love those around us – our spouse, our children, our family members, even our friends and co-workers.

    Even if you do not read the rest of the post after this sentence, be sure that you go to this Five Love Languages Website Link to take the free on-line test to discover your primary love language. And then get your spouse and children to take it. And then share with each other the languages that mean the most to each of you.
         (The free assessment consists of 30 questions and only takes 10-15 minutes to complete)
    a graphic showing the five love languages
    Dr. Gary Chapman has hit on a fundamental principle for us all in his discussion on love languages, as he indicates that:

  • Love is an emotional need. If we know we are loved, the whole world is bright, but if we don’t have love being poured into us, we are likely to feel lonely and unappreciated.
  • Inside each of us is an emotional “love tank” that needs to be filled with the “right fuel” to help us feel loved.
  • Each of us has a primary love language, and we expresses love in the way that comes naturally to us. And since it is rare for a couple to speak the same love language, each person must learn to show love in the way that their spouse needs to receive it.
  • Love is a choice – something we do for the other person. We can and must learn to speak our partner’s primary love language, or we may wind up with our partner feeling unloved despite our sincere effort to love them.
  • Remember that when speaking your partner’s love language “doesn’t come naturally” to you, and yet you make the effort to do so anyway, you are showing your partner just how important they are to you.
  • The issue is not being comfortable, the issue is choosing to love.
  • It takes practice, practice, practice, but the results will be worth it!
  • The Love Chapter found in the Bible at 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 provides us with a look at the selfless nature of God’s love that we should take in and then pour out to our spouse and to others. It tells us that:

    Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    Are you willing to learn the love language of your spouse and your children and then selflessly provide love to them in a way that might not always come naturally to you?

    .

    Categories
    Relationships

    Forgiveness: Is repentance necessary? What if they don’t apologize?

    This great question about forgiveness and repentance was posed to me:
    I’ve heard people talk about forgiving people, but I do not believe that it is scriptural to forgive someone who hasn’t asked apologized. I do not believe a person should have anger in his heart toward the person who wronged him nor should he be wanting revenge. However, I do not believe God expects something from us that He is unwilling to do. He loves those who are lost, but He does not forgive them until they come to Him in repentance. So should I forgive someone before they offer me an apology?

    What would your response be if you had received this question?
    Are there any wrong assumptions within the statements leading up to the question?
    a pencil that has written the word "sorry" symbolizing forgiveness
    Here was my response:

    My basic premise for stating that you should forgive those who have hurt you, even before they have apologized is that Jesus Christ did the work of forgiveness for me on the cross before I ever asked for forgiveness.

    I believe that this may just be an issue of semantics regarding our wording. But here is my understanding:
    I believe that the words “forgiveness” and “reconciliation” are two different words that are both needed for salvation.
    I believe that the act of forgiveness was done on the cross. The gift was provided.
    In a relationship, forgiveness can be provided by only one party.
    But reconciliation does not occur until both parties have acted.
    One provides forgiveness and one accepts it.
    Therefore, I would say that God did the work of forgiveness, is offering it to us, and it is then up to us to receive that gift of forgiveness to be reconciled to Him.

    Jesus prayed to the Father while on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” The Spirit of God was indicating that forgiveness was being offered to them, but it would take a desire on their part for reconciliation to occur. One thief beside Him asked for it, and one didn’t.

    One of the characteristics of our great God is His loving, forgiving nature, and He expects us to have that same nature. We are to love others, even our enemies, and that means that we are to offer them forgiveness, even if they do not yet deserve it because they haven’t asked for it. It is up to them whether or not to be reconciled to us. The offer of forgiveness is to be there ready and available. They just have to take it.

    It’s easy for us to balk against this idea, until we think about parenting. Parents do this often with their children. There are very many times during the time you are raising your children, when you have already forgiven your child even before he or she apologizes to you. The relationship is damaged until reconciliation occurs, but forgiveness can be offered even if the child does not yet even know about it.

    So the big question for you now is: Who do you need to forgive today?

    .