Category: Relationships

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Relationships

The Transactional Relationship – What Can You Do For Me?

a street in the suburbs to go along with the idea of life with transactional relationshipsIn his book, Death by Suburb, David Goetz indicates that American Christianity has drifted into a focus on success and prosperity and the fulfillment of the American dream. The suburbs developed as a place where those with sufficient means could escape some of the unpleasant circumstances of both city and country life (not living in the stress of the inner city, but also not living too far away from modern conveniences). Doing so provides the residents of the suburbs with a high level of comfort, and now we have allowed comfort and security to become idols for us, discouraging us from doing anything uncomfortable for God. This suburb mentality has infiltrated our Christianity and taken our focus off of radical and dangerous living for Christ and His mission.

Which brings us to the transactional relationship. One toxic mindset we’ve developed is: “What will this relationship do for me?” But God encourages us to build deep and meaningful friendships without looking for a better return on our investment. Goetz says:

“In suburban life, we live by the transactional relationship – we are quick to give a helping hand to the man on a ledge a little higher up – so that we can benefit from what they can give us later. Intimacy is the one thing in suburban church that everyone craves but few seem to have. You can’t use transactional relationships and expect to experience in them the kind of friendship that sweetens life and takes the edge off its hard parts. In true friendship (non-transactional), I can feel the grace of God where I experience what it means to be accepted not for the value that I add but for the value I am.”

Are you looking to build relationships only with those who can provide you something in return? When you think about serving someone, do you have the thought in the back of your mind, “How will this provide me with a possible benefit in the future?”

Jesus said: “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment….”

Stop investing only in Transactional Relationships and begin investing in people for the simple facts that they were also created in the image of God, that they are loved by God, and that God calls you to love them too.

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Relationships

Taking Jesus With You…All the Way to the Office

Today, I want to revisit the idea of your needing to be a pastor to the people who you work with each day. I am a pastor of a church family, and so some of my roles or duties to my church members include:

  • being an example of godliness,
  • speaking the truths of God,
  • providing comfort during times of crisis, and
  • giving godly guidance to those needing direction.

And to be honest, everyone in this world needs someone who will do these things for them. But there are people who work with you who do not go to church… so who will provide these things to them? I will never have the opportunity to pray for them, share with them, or guide them. So God placed you there to tackle this role! He wants you to take on the role of being a workplace pastor for the people you work with each and every day.

a photo of four skyscraper window washers who are at work at the office
though exchanging a pulpit for rappelling gear, one of these guys needs to serve as a workplace pastor to the rest of his team… I know I would want someone saying an extra prayer for me!

I want to share with you some thoughts over the next few days about how to start doing this in your place of employment, whether you sit behind a desk or on a piece of heavy machinery instead of standing behind a pulpit. But both the professional preacher and you have the same roles – it is just that our “congregations” are different. Let’s start with this idea:

“Secular vocations are not bad, when we make them strategic.”

Sometimes some of you may hear a pastor urging more people into ministry-related vocations. Certainly we need more pastors, more ministers. But that doesn’t mean that a secular vocation cannot also be a ministry. It just has to be intentional and strategic to take place. How intentional and strategic are you in taking Jesus with you to work?

“You don’t waste your life by where you work, but by how you work and why you work.”

John Piper calls this: “Making Much of Christ from 8-5.” He says:

“The “war” is being fought along the line between sin and righteousness in every family. It is being fought along the line between truth and falsehood in every school
. . . between justice and injustice in every legislature
. . . between integrity and corruption in every office
. . . between love and hate in every ethnic group
. . . between pride and humility in every sport
. . . between the beautiful and the ugly in every art
. . . between right doctrine and wrong doctrine in every church
. . . and between sloth and diligence between coffee breaks.

It is not a waste to fight the battle for truth and faith and love on any of these fronts.

The war is not primarily spatial or physical—though its successes and failures have physical effects.

Therefore, the secular vocations of Christians are a war zone. There are spiritual adversaries to be defeated (that is, evil spirits and sins, not people); and there is beautiful moral high ground to be gained for the glory of God. You don’t waste your life by where you work, but how and why.”

You have a role to play in the spiritual warfare that is taking place all around you – especially at your work with your fellow employees. As you step into the secular workforce, you are stepping into a spiritual warzone. It is your role to strategically and intentionally battle for truth, faith, and love on the frontlines as a workplace pastor. How well have you prepared for this frontline battle?

Have you ever seen someone else do a good job of taking Jesus to work with them and serving as a workplace pastor?
What made them effective?

— brian rushing

        (Quotes in today’s post are from Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper)

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Parenting Expectations And A Helpful Idea

picture of a dad, mom, and a baby - reminding us that the role of parents is to be disciplemakers for their childrenA few posts back, I mentioned that expectations in parenthood sometimes are not met the way we had hoped.
(Anyone care to share some examples? I’m sure you have plenty!)

Though they are more precious than you thought possible, and though they allow you to love in ways you didn’t know you had within you, it does not take long to realize that your children are not perfect angels. But then again, once you do some self-examination, you also quickly realize that you aren’t a perfect parent. Parents need help and guidance and direction to help be the best disciplemakers possible for the precious ones in their care. Let me share something I read not too long ago that might be helpful as you continue down this road of disciple-making parenthood:

“Children must be impressed with the awesomeness of Christ, with His nature and character. They must see in their parents a sense of awe for the beauty and attractiveness of Christ. They must see what it means to treasure Christ more than anything else. Children are perceptive, and if they see parents and leaders talk with boredom and apathy about faith yet become overtly passionate about sports teams or shopping malls, they will think the sport or the mall is more attractive than Jesus.

The gospel is impressed on children by what they see in parents and leaders; thus, those who lovingly live a godly life in front of children are heroes. If children see husbands who love their wives and treat them with respect, they learn that Christ, the Bridegroom, pursues and loves His bride unconditionally. If they see leaders and parents hungrily devouring the Scripture, they learn that adults need Jesus for strength each day. If they see leaders forgive someone else, they will learn that their heavenly Father is eager to forgive.”

What lessons about Christ and the Christian life have you tried (or are trying) to show to your children using your own life as the example?

(Quotes from ‘Creature of the Word’ by Matt Chandler)

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Relationships

The Best Way To Impact The World

God has a plan to impact the world, and you have a key part to play in the plan.

Your role is to help the people around you connect with Christ and grow in godliness. That includes your spouse, your children, your extended family, your coworkers, and your neighbors. It is a slow, messy process that means you will have to invite a small number of people into a relationship with you so that you can share life together. Though there were many that influenced me, I had three key people do this for me – two of them were my parents and the third one was Richard.
two friends walking together
Richard invited me into his “circle” though I was an immature, know-it-all college student. And he walked me through discipleship by letting me walk beside him in everyday life so I could see how a Christian adult man should live with Jesus and for Him. Richard did a great job of putting his own interests aside for the express purpose of helping me grow in my knowledge of God’s Word and in developing Christ-like character. It took time because I was dense and stubborn! (I still am!) But he was patient. I have attempted to take what I learned from walking beside Richard and invite others to walk beside me. But this is a slow process that can become frustrating to us since we like to see things happen quickly. But lives just don’t change that fast. Are you willing to impact the world one-life-at-a-time in this slow, messy process called discipleship?

Here is an excerpt from an article on this idea of walk-beside-someone-discipleship:

     The fundamental way that we are going to see Jesus save people across the globe is through discipleship.
      That’s right, the good old fashioned, life-on-life, person-to-person, dirty, messy process of teaching people to obey all that Jesus had commanded. Showing people with our words and our lives how to follow and magnify the Risen Savior.
      That’s it – it may not be sexy, it may not sell books, but it is how God designed his redemption plan.
      We’ve all heard this before, I know. But think about it. To most of us, it seems nuts. The Son of God comes to earth and rather than staying and preaching for 40 years, He spends three years investing in 12 men and then he leaves! …What?! Surely we could come up with something new, maybe more efficient, maybe even as a backup plan? No. There isn’t a plan B, and there doesn’t need to be one. Discipleship is God’s choice plan for redeeming the world.
      This is not profound. It’s not new. It’s simply not finished. And most of us simply refuse to accept it. When it comes down to it, for most of us being as successful as Jesus was at developing leaders would feel like a wasted life.
      See how that’s a problem? To think little of this model and to reject this model is to reject God’s ordained means to accomplish His mission.
      The reality is if you reach only 12 in your life, it’s a win. It will probably feel like you’re spending too much time with a few and neglecting the many, but this is precisely how God will redeem every last one of His own!

Jesus’ model definitely seems time-consuming and difficult in our “I want it now” society. The reason it seems so time-consuming and difficult is because it is so time-consuming and difficult to walk beside another person in this slow, messy process. But it is the model He used and the one He expects us to use. It’s time to get your hands dirty. Who can you invite to walk beside you in discipleship? Who does God want you to be responsible for training in Christlike living and God-honoring character?

(article excerpt by Kevin Peck – “Without This Your Missional Movement Will Fail”)

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The Choice to Be A Reconciler or A Rejecter

Everything we say has a possibility of helping people feel either reconciled or rejected.
We can either heal or hurt with our words.

three matches burning to indicate it just takes a small spark to start a fireA forest fire can be started with a small spark, and the tongue can be that spark in someone’s life. Though the tongue is only a small part of the body, it is a key to producing words. And so with that small muscle, we can set someone’s world on fire – we can tear them down or we can build them up.

tobymac sings that it’s crazy, amazing that we can turn a heart with the words we say. That hope can live or die due to what we speak, so we should speak life to others.

Are you using your words to build others up – being a reconciler? or do you spend more time tearing others down?
God has committed to me and to you… He has entrusted to us… the ministry of reconciliation. What will you do with this ministry He has handed off to you?

Matt Chandler states it this way: Our understanding of God’s love for us, despite the fact that we don’t deserve it, enables us to love others in spite of themselves. Affection for the Lord leads to affection for others, resulting in outdoing one another in service. It makes us ask ourselves questions like:

  • How can I be concerned about you and your needs?
  • Why shouldn’t I take the farthest parking spot?
  • How about if I take the seat that’s has a blocked view?
  • What if I lose so you can Win?
  • How can I disadvantage myself for your advantage?
  • What would it mean to consider you more significant than me?

    • “Compassion linked to the gospel is compassion that goes beyond merely observing hurting people; it sees hurting people and realizes that Jesus loves them immensely. Ultimately, then, it’s not our compassion but the compassion of Jesus that fuels and sustains our desire to act on others’ behalf. When We remember how gracious and compassionate Christ has been to us, our compassion is as sustainable as our remembrance of the gospel” (Matt Chandler).

    So how strong is your remembrance of the gospel?
    How well do you remember how Christ reconciled you to the Father?
    Are you ready to help reconcile others to the Father – even those whom you never had a relationship with before, those to whom you wouldn’t typically be with, because Christ loves them and calls you to it? He is calling you to be relationally intentional toward others so that you can share with them the word of reconciliation… the truth that they can find salvation in Jesus Christ – the transforming Savior.

    Because God has radically transformed us, we shared a common bond deeper than anything that can divide us. Let us teach others about that deep, deep love. Become a relationally intentional reconciler.