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Relationships

Things We Get Wrong, part 2… Children.

Wrong Thing #2. “Children are Annoying.”

rusty children playing sign to symbolize how we get things wrong with our childrenSure, some of you might be thinking: “That statement is neither wrong nor a myth…I see plenty of annoying kids throughout the week. Sometimes they are even my own.”

Okay. Point taken. As a youth and children’s minister for more than 12 years, I saw some children who were annoying, but that was usually because we adults had made some pretty dumb mistakes in modeling right behavior for them. Which might mean that we adults are pretty annoying and have shown our children how to do it well. Anyway…

What I actually mean to say about children being annoying is that we often get annoyed by children for the wrong things. Specifically, I am thinking about church. And this isn’t a new problem. Even the disciples thought that interacting with children was “beneath” Jesus, who obviously was so important that He didn’t have time to spend with bratty kids. Of course, Jesus straightened the disciples out on that issue quickly!

And so we come to church, and we find ourselves getting frustrated with small ones in our church services, ending up with an attitude very similar to the disciples.

Parents bring their child to church, and the child turns a bit fussy in the worship service. So we have these infants and toddlers in service… the ones who might cry during a prayer or talk a bit loud such that we can’t hear all that the preacher is saying or they are squirmy and distracting. And so we get a bit annoyed.

At the very same time, those same parents are worrying and fretting over the fact that their child is disrupting the service in some way. They are trying all the tricks in their “parenting bag” to get them to stop. At that point, some of these parents wonder why they even came to church that day. They are so very apologetic to others around them. Often they even come and apologize to me after service, thinking that I must have been distracted or frustrated with them.

But the truth is that if we stop and think about what it means – that these parents have thought that church is so important that they have gotten up early, struggled through waking up their children, getting them fed, getting them dressed, having to change them into another outfit because the first one just got messed up with milk and cereal, now packing them all in the car, and then bringing them to church where they can hear about God…

These parents are so serious about getting their children to a place where they can learn about Jesus. When we realize this, then we should celebrate the fact that we hear crying in our sanctuary, we should pride ourselves on the fact that our church has committed parents, we should be filled with joy that we get to see a new generation for Christ being raised in front of our eyes.

So, thank you parents for bringing your fussy children to church. They are not annoying. They are a great reminder to us that God is at work in your life and you want Him at work in their precious lives!

We can get things wrong and be just like the disciples if we don’t think deeply about what is taking place in our own sanctuary and church. And parents, also know that when your child is being a distraction, it is usually because the children’s minister is making faces at them and just having an overall great time antagonizing them from two rows back. I know I always enjoyed doing so! (just ask Gail Carr, Angela Gill, or Trent & Shannon Favre!)

In fact, I still get a few occasions to do so as a pastor! (just ask the Russell’s, Liggett’s, James’, McGee’s, Thomas’, Wagner’s, etc. ect.!)

Keep bringing your children to church. If you don’t, I’ll get annoyed.

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Relationships

Safe, Not Soft.

a soft cottony dandelion seed headPreviously I wrote about how Jesus wasn’t safe. (But that He is good!)

And while it may be true that Jesus is not safe, the church does need to be a “safe” place for people to come with their brokenness.

Too often, though, we think that being a safe place means we have to be “soft.”

No so. Jesus certainly wasn’t.

Jesus loved people furiously, without ever being soft on their sin. We have to love people furiously as well, at the same time holding a serious view of behavior that is not God-honoring.

“Abhor what is evil.” A gospel-centered community acknowledges the presence of sin and welcomes the confession of sin. But a truly gospel-centered community never reduces the severity of sin. …When God saves us, our attitude toward sin changes. Sin doesn’t become easier to commit; it becomes more despicable to us than ever. …Abhorring what is evil in the context of community requires true love–love that dares to inflict “the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6).

The weakest, saddest, most hypocritical form of pseudo-love is the kind that sees someone in danger and simply hopes everything works out in the end. Is it judgmental, ruthless, or wicked to correct your children when they’re doing things that are dangerous for them? Normal parents would never watch their kids play in the street and just hope they don’t get hurt: “I know it’s dangerous, but look how happy they are. They seem to be having so much fun.” Our ferocious commitment to their safety and success, along with a heart full of genuine love, drives us to endure the often unhappy experience of disciplining our children.

In the same way, gospel-formed believers take responsibility for confronting those who claim to be Christ-followers and yet continue to sin. Church leaders must strive to create environments that are “safe but not soft”… environments that embrace people in their brokenness while guiding them to wholeness in Christ. [from ‘Creature of the Word’]

Let us reject pseudo-love in all our relationships.
Let us not be cruel by withholding the truth just to protect feelings.
Let us be safe, but not soft.

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Relationships

Designed for Community, pt. 2

As I mentioned previously, you were designed for community.

You were designed to have both an intimate relationship with God and intimate relationships with others. Without both, you will never find complete satisfaction in life. Here’s another great quote on community from “Creature of the Word”

…The reason most community is shallow in our world is because it’s built on temporary foundations. The reason most relationships don’t last is because they’re built on commonalities that change over time.
When the common bond changes, the relationship changes. If you’re married, you see this happen immediately when you have kids. You once had friends you would hang out with late at night, but now you can’t do that. Even if you get a babysitter, you’re not staying up till 1:00 in the morning, because your kids are waking up at 6:50 and you’ll be exhausted.

If you play sports with a group of guys, and if nothing deeper than your love of basketball binds you together, that community will weaken and likely disappear if you blow out a knee and can’t play anymore. If relationships aren’t built on something deeper than finding good restaurants, working at the same company, or having kids in the same activities, they will change whenever the common bond is no longer there. Community is only as strong as what it’s built upon. And nothing is as strong as the gospel.

The gospel is the deepest foundation for community. What connects believers is the reality that we were all very messed-up people, broken before a holy God, yet rescued and given new life in Christ. What unites believers is deeper than anything that can divide.

A unity that is deeper than anything that can divide.

That’s what I want.
That’s what I long for.
That’s what I need.

A community built on the strongest foundation.
A community built on the gospel.

Make sure that you are a part of that community!

(How have you found this to be true? How have you found that the community you have with others through the gospel is deeper than anything that can divide?)

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Relationships

Designed for Community

The Purpose for Life… What is it?
What is your purpose for life?
Could you verbalize it if someone asked?

I don’t know what you have chosen as your purpose for living, but I do know what you were designed for… Relationships.
Connectedness.
Community.

We all want to connect.
We all desire community.
But how will we get this community that we crave?guys cooking on a big grill to signify relationships and community

We find little connections all the time – at the ballgame with fellow fans, at the office with our co-workers, with our neighbors at the barbeque. But isn’t there a deeper connection we can find?

I love how this is explained in “Creature of the Word” as the authors discuss the early church of Philippi:

So the little growing church in Philippi was now home to people like this: a Wealthy, upscale businesswoman… a slave girl with a deep, dark, wounded past… a tough-nosed jailer and his family…. What else did these people have in common but the gospel? They never would have gone to the same restaurants, hung out in the same parts of town, or listened to the same music. But because God had radically transformed them, they shared a common bond deeper than anything that divided them. They were together only because of the gospel.

Together only because of the gospel….
You see, you were created for an intimate relationship with God and others.
It is the only thing that’ll satisfy completely.

Leave one or the other out, and you’ll still be missing a part of the community that you need.

What we find out is that the gospel is the only thing that can truly put us together in real community. It is what we were designed for.

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Relationships

Being Sick, But Acting Healthy

Apologies all around to those who expect to see a post from me at least once a week!
In fact, I like to post something at least a couple of times a week, but this is my first post in exactly two weeks. No excuses other than just got too busy!

Who goes to the hospital? Those who know they are not well. Those who are sick. a stethoscope symbolizing the idea of being sick Other than the medical staff, other employees, and visitors, the healthy folk generally try to avoid hospitals. Jesus said that He did not come for the healthy, but for those who knew they were unhealthy and needed help.

That leads me to think that churches should be very open to those who know they are spiritually unhealthy. So why is it that we often find church to be a place where it is not okay to be anything less than perfect?

“The Church must be a place where it is okay not to be okay. The culture of the Church needs to be a safe place for the weary, weak, and wobbly. Of all places, we should welcome those who are honest about their burdens, frustrations, and pitfalls. Our people cannot be honest about their shortcomings in the marketplace. The Church provides the release valve of grace that we all desperately need, leadership included.

“It is far too common for the church to expend precious energies masquerading and upholding images rather than walking in transparency and authenticity. Ministry is messy because life is messy, and nobody is excluded from the mess. If it is not okay not to be okay in a church, then what are we doing? Where is the gospel? The hope we have in Christ is that it is okay not to be okay, but that He is leading us to greater levels of health and maturity.”
(‘Creature of the Word’ by Matt Chandler)

We are all… not okay.
We are all… not healthy.
We are all… in need of a Great Physician.

And yet… we try to hide this truth from one another so often… even at church.
Let us always remember that “The church…is a hospital in which nobody is completely well, and anyone can relapse at any time” (J.I. Packer).

Let us have grace for one another in our sickness, longing for the day of wholeness from the touch of God’s healing hand.