Category: Relationships

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Relationships

Reconnect Off The Grid

So…
Long time, no Brian.
Or at least no Brian devotions.
Yes, I took a month-and-a-half break from writing devotional thoughts.
Life got busy and “something had to give.” That is no different than you – you are extremely busy as well. The only question becomes, what will you give up due to your busy-ness. The thing that I gave up was my on-line activity. Not just the writing but even the checking of social media and internet. I have hardly looked at facebook, twitter, my website, or even on-line news in the last 40 days.

And strangely enough, though we find ourselves addicted to our social media and to our connectedness to all the happenings of our friends, to the news of the day, and to our entertainment personalities, what I found was that I became addicted to staying “off the grid.”

It was good. In fact, I didn’t feel disconnected from the world. Rather, I felt a bit reconnected to others that I see face-to-face each week. It made it a bit hard to step back into the online fray. Not that I don’t enjoy the writing. I do. And I appreciate so much those of you who are always so encouraging about my writings. But I also found that I enjoyed not being in the glow of the phone/tablet/laptop screen. Maybe more of us need to take a break at times and learn to reconnect with others outside of social media.

I recently read that Japan has established Internet “fasting camps” where Internet-addicted children learn to engage in real relationships. Researchers have linked too much “screen time” to obesity, sleep problems, depression, and other not-so-good stuff. Japan has come to understand that our drive for “connectedness” can lead to stress, and our stress can keep us from engaging in activities that reduce our worry and anxiety. So they are doing something about this damaging cycle. And the funny thing is… Japan ranks 4th in the world for Internet use, somewhere behind us.

I’m not telling you to stop using social media. I just encourage you to have balance. But more than that, I encourage you to be sure you are connecting to real people right in front of you each week. Go out to eat lunch with a friend, and don’t look at your phone the entire hour. Or do the same around the dinner table with your family.

And when you get together this week with your family for Thanksgiving – thank God for them and enjoy them. Don’t bury your face in your phone or tablet – enjoy the few hours you are with your loved ones. You all will have carved out several hours to come together – so use that time to reconnect to one another. There will be plenty of time to update your status after you tell them goodbye and are riding home with a full belly.

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Relationships

With Whom Are You Praying?

“God is great, God is good. Let us thank Him for our food. By His hands, we are fed. Thank You Lord for daily bread. Amen.”

A lot of Christian parents seem to do a pretty good job of helping their children learn to pray at meals and even to say their bedtime prayers. Hurray! This is excellent.

But based on my conversations with these same parents, I have a sneaking suspicion that these moms and dads aren’t praying together. So my question to you today is – Are You Praying With Your Spouse?

What I sense is that wives desire for their husbands to step into that spiritual leader role in the family and to lead in prayer with and for them, but that we men often shy away from doing so. Husband, are you leading you wife in prayer?

Prayer together with your spouse is a MUST. “Your prayer life together is important. Sure, you might be able to have a good marriage without it, but that misses the point entirely. The real question here is this: Can my marriage meet God’s call without shared prayer?” The answer is, or course, a resounding No! “If there are never times when you desire prayer with your wife… then your prayer life is on life support and your life is out of balance” (from Every Man’s Challenge)

I have been surprised that when I have had people pray together with their spouses at church, I have had multiple couples come to me and say – “Thank You for making us do that. I had never before heard my spouse pray for me.” Would your spouse say something similar?

Men, step up and be that spiritual leader. Do it before tomorrow. Before you turn off the light and drift off to sleep tonight, simply say, “Honey, I think we should pray before we go to bed.” Start tonight. And then don’t stop – repeat it each night. Pray for your children together, pray for your parents, pray for you two AS parents, pray for each other. And then watch the difference it makes in your life and in your marriage!

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Relationships

Defining Love

How do you define love?
“Always giving the other person everything they want”?
Sounds good to me! Start sending me gifts!

As a parent who loves your children, do you always give them everything they want?
Of course not.
When the tantrum breaks out on the floor at Walmart, do you say – “Well, I didn’t know you wanted that toy/candy/live animal so badly. I love you, and you want it, so yes, I’ll buy it for you.”?
I highly doubt it!
We can easily see how that is not love.

Love is always doing what is best for the other person, and that might mean telling them “no” to something they want.

If a pastor, minister, or church leader loves the people in his church, will he always give them everything they want?
No. Sometimes, the loving thing requires that he share with them the truth – and that can hurt.

God condemns the priests long ago telling them:
“Those who are sickly you have not strengthened, the diseased you have not healed, the broken you have not bound up, the scattered you have not brought back, nor have you sought for the lost.”

Many ministers in America today have “left the weak and crippled to limp hopelessly on in their sin, unaware that they aren’t walking normally.” By not wanting to offend anyone, we are not being loving neighbors, because it isn’t loving to only give someone what they want. “We must also give them what they need—the truth.”

…We have all these happy, friendly churches with happy-looking people happily doing work for God, and yet, beneath the surface, nothing is making sense. Husbands aren’t sacrificing for holiness and right living, wives are giving up, and behind every whitewashed wall are dead-men’s bones.

…somewhere along the way, we decided to stop defining holiness too clearly because we didn’t want to seem too different from other people, scared of what people might think and scared that we might hurt our relationships at home. Now we have our wish—we don’t look much different at all, and we’re too often limping along in the same fog as the lost.

Why are we scared to share? Many people wonder: “what if I seem irrelevant to them?” “Why not consider a far more frightening question – What if we are irrelevant? In our rush to seem relevant, what if we lose our saltiness as Christians and lose our purifying effect on our culture? That is true irrelevance.”
(Arterburn & Stoeker – Every Man’s Challenge)

So let’s all stop worrying about being irrelevant. Let’s stop worrying about whether everyone likes us. Let’s worry about how to tell people the truth in love (though with gentleness & reverence). Sometimes that might sting a bit, but it is the only right thing to do if we love someone else.

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Relationships

A Very Important Tip for ALL Parents! (On Speaking To Your Children)

Parents… Dads… Moms… This is a MUST READ article from Dr. Tim Elmore called What Parents Should Say – Tim Elmore
(Grandparents, you should read it too!)

I don’t often recommend or link to other blogs and articles… but this one is so very important.

Here is why – It is so important because most every parent will take time to watch their child perform – many in sporting events! But this also translates over into other activities such as recitals, spelling bees, marching band, dance, school plays, whatever your child is engaged in.

Please, don’t stop at reading my excerpt below. Read the entire article. But here is the gist… the key statements from Dr. Elmore to whet your appetite for more –

No one has more at stake in their performing child than the child’s parents.
They love their child, they’ve invested in their child.
But they can also put intense pressure on their child.

Student-athletes say: “I feel like I’m never quite good enough; I can never fully please my parents.”

A parent’s role should be one of “supporting and letting go.”

The most liberating words, the most healthy words, that parents can speak to their student-athletes (or other performing children) are quite simple.

Before the Competition:
Have fun!
Play hard!
I love you!

After the competition:
Did you have fun?
I’m proud of you!
I love you!

After much research, experts suggest six simple words parents can express that produce the most positive results in their children… what made them feel great both during and after a performance. Here they are:

– “I Love To Watch You Play.”

That’s it.

No pressure. No correction. No judgment.
Just pure love of your child using their gift in competition.

Now Dad & Mom – go out and try this with your child this week!

And go read the full article at: What Parents Should Say…

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Relationships

Warning! Danger Up Ahead! Intense Loneliness Imminent!

“Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!”
lost in space robot

I always wanted a robot that would flail his arms while telling me whenever danger was imminent.
Of course, Will didn’t seem to listen very often, so maybe it wouldn’t be as helpful as it sounds.
But there truly is a danger we are facing in today’s society with isolating ourselves…

“Certainly, in the wider society, Americans sought a private house, a private means of transportation, a private garden, a private laundry, and self-service stores. Even within families Americans had come to expect that each member of the family should have a separate room, and even a separate television, phone, and car, at least when economically possible.

“But in this world of private choices Americans were slow to discover how many people were desperately lonely…. ‘We seek more and more privacy, and feel more and more alienated and lonely when we get it.’ We compete rather than cooperate; we avoid rather than engage; we play it cool and thereby make the world a little colder” (Bruce Shelley)

You have a choice today – isolating yourself further which continues to build more loneliness within our society, or engaging people during the day. Let’s go against the grain! Let’s connect with someone on a personal level today and start making the world a little warmer.