Category: Relationships

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Relationships

True Love Ain’t Free

free parking 2
There ain’t much in life that is free.
Certainly not love.
True love demands commitment.
True love is an active choice of binding oneself to another.

“They have invented a new phrase that is a black-and-white contradiction in two words—”free love.” As if a lover had been, or ever could be, free. It is the nature of love to bind itself….”

The quote is from G.K. Chesterton. And I love how he finishes this thought about the binding nature of love. He says that “the institution of marriage merely paid the average man the compliment of taking him at his word.”

When we say “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, & in health,” we are making an active, binding statement. We are giving our word that we will be bound up with the other person for a lifetime.

Ravi Zacharias reflects (somewhat deeply) on this idea of binding love:
“Unfortunately in the English language we have cheated ourselves by using the same [word] to cover a wide variety of relationships. In the Greek language there were four different words, each describing a different kind of love:
      ‘Agape’ refers to a pure love with particular reference to God.
      ‘Phileo’ is the love of friendship.
      ‘Storge’ describes the love of a parent.
      ‘Eros’ is romantic love.

“Note carefully that although only one of the loves [eros] is physically consummated, all of them involve commitment. However, in our culture when we say “love” it is most often physical love that is implied, and that devoid of commitment. How strange that we call the sexual act “making love” when in actuality if that act is without commitment…it is a literal and figurative denuding of love in which the individual is degraded to an object.”

“When love is shallow the heart is empty, but if the sacrifice of love is understood, one can drink deeply from its cup and be completely fulfilled.”

I hope that my love for others will always be a love that has commitment backing it up.
How has someone shown you that love is a commitment?

Tozer: The true follower of Christ will not ask, “If I embrace this truth, what will it cost me?”

— brian rushing

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Relationships

Letting the Overflow Spill Out

Do you remember Rainman . . . “I’m an excellent driver… Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. …But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday… Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.”

Ha! As for myself, I might change the phrase to something like – “I’m an excellent reader.” What I mean is that I love to read, and I hate to keep the great stuff I come across to myself. Some of it makes its way into sermons, but there just is not enough time to share it all. Therefore, the overflow spills out into my posts.
the overflow in the bucket is pouring out
That might answer your question as to why I sometimes quote from one person for several days in a row. As I am reading a book, I might come across some powerful ideas that I want to share with you, and so that is when the overflow spills over.

I hope you will do the same – pouring into the lives of those around you the overflow of what God is showing you or teaching you. How well are you doing that with your children? with coworkers? with social media? If you look back over your own facebook posts or tweets from the past month, how could you have changed a caption to one of your posted pictures to let your friends know that God is the One who has blessed you with that beautiful child or family? Are you using your overflow to exalt Him? Are you being intentional?

As I have said before, we need to keep praying: “God, Help Us To Change Our Conversations!”

Today, I hope that you will strategically use your conversations to show that Jesus is your greatest Treasure.

— brian rushing

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Relationships

The Pitfalls of Personal Marketing

“We spend money we don’t have…
      to buy things we don’t need…
            to impress people we don’t really like.”

So often we seek applause from others. But on the flip side of that coin of seeking applause FROM others is the applause we hear FOR others, and our envy of it. A friend asked “How much is enough?” And for some of us the answer is “one dollar more”… that is, unless my neighbor just received two dollars, then my answer changes to “three dollars more.” We live in a world of comparisons, and we are constantly comparing ourselves with those around us, wanting more than what they have (or at least just as much).

I have heard of people limiting their time on social media (such as facebook), because it was creating too much envy and covetousness.
social media buttons by pinkmoustache.net Society tells us to “toot your own horn,” so we use social media as our own personal marketing tool. Too often it is all a facade. And when we look at the status and pictures and info of others, we get jealous and think:

–Why are their kids so well-behaved? I can’t get mine to sit still for one photo without them tearing each others’ hair and clothes.
–Why is their marriage so easy? They seem so happy together, but all we do is argue, fuss, & fight?
–Why can’t I have a brand new house, car, boat, etc. like they do? Everything we own is either in the shop now or needs to go there tomorrow.
–Ultimately, Why does it seem that everyone has a perfect life but me?

The truth is that we all have struggles, but when we look at snapshots of the lives of others, we get rattled by our comparing. Facebook and other social media can upset our own self-confidence, and even tempt us to do a little boasting of our own – praising our own situations and successes so that we keep our applause up and keep their applause down. It makes us feel better about us. Until we realize that it really hasn’t made us any happier.

Paul learned that success was less important than knowing Jesus – much less important: “…whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord….” This from a man who could have really had an impressive facebook profile!

Social media is supposed to let us connect with each other, but it could damage a relationship by causing envy or greed. I want to be able to celebrate the good things in the lives of others, while also being completely satisfied with my own situation. I want to be neither envious, nor boastful – just satisfied in Jesus.

William Wilberforce said, “I must secure more time for private devotions. I have been living far too public for me. The shortening of devotions starves the soul, it grows lean and faint. I have been keeping too late hours.”

When I keep late hours and live too publicly (Social Media being one way to do so), I find that my devotional time with God gets shortchanged. Then I am in much more danger of envy and of feeling the need to boast. The solution – “God, help me to secure more private devotional time with You!” Social media is a great tool, but we must not allow it to intrude upon our time with God nor with our time building relationships with people who are right in front of us – such as our family, friends, & co-workers. And we need to stop using it for comparing ourselves to others, which damages our ability to find contentment.

Why is our satisfaction with life so elusive when we are supposed to find contentment in Christ?
Why do our actions seem to show that He is not sufficient to bring us complete contentment?
Why do we engage allow superficial connecting pull us away from real relationships?

— brian rushing

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Relationships

I’m Shocked, But I Shouldn’t Be

When you see someone’s bad behavior, do your eyes ever pop out of your head or your jaw hit the floor? Do you ever just gape in astonished awe due to being shocked that they could do such a thing?a shocked smiley who has seen something unbelievable
Though I have seen a lot, I find I can still be shocked by peoples’ bad behavior. But maybe I shouldn’t be. Or at least, maybe I need to learn to accept people for who they are, instead of judging them so harshly. Near the end of the book Christy, these paragraphs grabbed my attention because I have found that I have needed to learn these exact same things about accepting others:

“I saw for the first time that we have to accept people the way they are and not be shocked about anything. In my idealism, that had been hard for me. I had not understood Miss Alice’s acceptance of the mountain people and had often been frustrated, sometimes even infuriated, by her unwillingness to push harder for changes.

“I now understood that the reason we have to accept other people is simply because God receives us just the way we are.

“I had never thought it should be that way. Had I been doing it, I would have arranged gradations of acceptability according to how bad or how good we were – or how hard we have tried. But Miss Alice had helped me to see that the Power who lovingly rules over our aching world has quite a different idea: He persists in receiving us and loving us all even when we reject Him and refuse to have anything to do with Him, even when we boast about our little intellects and insist that He does not exist.”

Oh the love of God. He isn’t shocked by my bad behavior. Jesus said that He already knew what was within a man! While not being shocked by my sin, He still hates my sin. And yet, He still loves me. How can I be so idealistic and hard on others, refusing to accept them and love them because of their bad behavior – especially when I am so loved even though I so often display unlovable behaviors and attitudes?

The truth is that people without Christ cannot expect to live as if they have embraced His teachings. It is an unreasonable expectation for us who follow Christ to expect people who do not know Jesus to embrace His teachings. So instead of us getting angry at the people who don’t yet know Christ for not embracing our same beliefs, let us be people of compassion and show them the benefits and joy of knowing Christ and His abundant life. That will be more beneficial to them than our anger and refusal to offer friendship.

It is time for me to be accepting and loving of everyone around me. Even if I don’t agree with their behaviors or attitudes, I can still love them and care for them, hoping to love them to a relationship with Christ and a life transformation.

— brian rushing

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Relationships

Building Up The Body

Missionaries strive for building up new believers so that the church in a given area can be strengthened. This is done through developing friendships and discipling new believers. In the process, sometimes a person who did not feel hand grasping another and pulling them up depicting the need for building up each otherthey had much worth in this world find new confidence and self-worth as they realize that God has given them talents and abilities. I have seen the effect of this in Honduras, and it is remarkable to watch. As a missionary, Christy was developing a friendship with a woman in the community. She was teaching her English and informally discipling her. Here is what she said about the young lady:

“She admired me extravagantly, beyond any deserving. And if I cared about her enough to single her out to spend long hours with her, well then, perhaps that secret person on the inside, who from shyness and deprivation had kept herself so covertly hidden all these years, was a woman worth knowing. This gave her the courage gradually to let her true self out of prison.

“Having tasted freedom, she was certain that the world of knowledge and beauty was hers for the taking. And because she gave me full credit for laying the world at her feet, she could not find enough ways to express her gratitude…. Once I unfolded a scrap of paper to find written on it:
        I love you for what you are making of me.
        I love you for what I am when I am with you.”

I wonder who, if anyone, would say this about me. Do I live in such a way that my encouragement and support is changing someone else’s life for the better? How about you? Dads, would your sons echo this sentiment due to how you are training them each day? Moms, can your daughters say this about you when you spend time with them? Do our friends or coworkers hold these feelings toward us?

Henry Blackaby wrote – Due to the essence of the church being koinonia (“intimate fellowship & community”), there should never be anyone in your church who is lonely.

Yet, there are many in our own churches who are lonely, who are struggling. In what way am I building up their lives and helping them to know the love of God through me? Life is all about relationships – an intimate relationship with God and intimate friendships with others. Am I building up others by teaching them and informally discipling them through my words, actions, and attitudes? Are you?

(Quotes from the book “Christy” by Catherine Marshall)