Forgiveness: Is repentance necessary? What if they don’t apologize?

This great question about forgiveness and repentance was posed to me:
I’ve heard people talk about forgiving people, but I do not believe that it is scriptural to forgive someone who hasn’t asked apologized. I do not believe a person should have anger in his heart toward the person who wronged him nor should he be wanting revenge. However, I do not believe God expects something from us that He is unwilling to do. He loves those who are lost, but He does not forgive them until they come to Him in repentance. So should I forgive someone before they offer me an apology?

What would your response be if you had received this question?
Are there any wrong assumptions within the statements leading up to the question?

Here was my response:

My basic premise for stating that you should forgive those who have hurt you, even before they have apologized is that Jesus Christ did the work of forgiveness for me on the cross before I ever asked for forgiveness.

I believe that this may just be an issue of semantics regarding our wording. But here is my understanding:
I believe that the words “forgiveness” and “reconciliation” are two different words that are both needed for salvation.
I believe that the act of forgiveness was done on the cross. The gift was provided.
In a relationship, forgiveness can be provided by only one party.
But reconciliation does not occur until both parties have acted.
One provides forgiveness and one accepts it.
Therefore, I would say that God did the work of forgiveness, is offering it to us, and it is then up to us to receive that gift of forgiveness to be reconciled to Him.

Jesus prayed to the Father while on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” The Spirit of God was indicating that forgiveness was being offered to them, but it would take a desire on their part for reconciliation to occur. One thief beside Him asked for it, and one didn’t.

One of the characteristics of our great God is His loving, forgiving nature, and He expects us to have that same nature. We are to love others, even our enemies, and that means that we are to offer them forgiveness, even if they do not yet deserve it because they haven’t asked for it. It is up to them whether or not to be reconciled to us. The offer of forgiveness is to be there ready and available. They just have to take it.

It’s easy for us to balk against this idea, until we think about parenting. Parents do this often with their children. There are very many times during the time you are raising your children, when you have already forgiven your child even before he or she apologizes to you. The relationship is damaged until reconciliation occurs, but forgiveness can be offered even if the child does not yet even know about it.

So the big question for you now is: Who do you need to forgive today?

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