Actually, today is a repost of mine from a few years ago, but I wanted to reshare it because of its helpfulness to parents as you go watch your children perform in various activities.
My previous post was also on parenting: What to say when someone is mean to your child. If you missed it click here.
Today I want to share with you another parenting article I found a few years ago written by Dr. Tim Elmore. This is an excellent read with very helpful advice for everyone with children or grandchildren, nephews or nieces, and basically if you know any children at all. Your kids (or grand-kids) are involved in lots of stuff. Most every parent will take time to watch their child perform in various activities. Many children will participate in sports, but this advice also carries over into other activities such as recitals, spelling bees, marching band, dance, school plays, whatever your child is engaged in.When they are participating in these activities, what do you need to say to them as you watch?
Before I provide you with a link to the full article, let me give you the summary to whet your appetite and give you the key piece of knowledge and the six-word sentence you should use:
No one has more at stake in their performing child than the child’s parents.
They love their child, they’ve invested in their child.
But they can also put intense pressure on their child.
Student-athletes say: “I feel like I’m never quite good enough; I can never fully please my parents.”
A parent’s role should be one of “supporting and letting go.”
The most liberating words, the most healthy words, that parents can speak to their student-athletes (or other performing children) are quite simple. Here they are…
Before the Competition, say:
Have fun!
Play hard!
I love you!
After the competition, say:
Did you have fun?
I’m proud of you!
I love you!
After much research, experts suggest six simple words that parents can express which will produce the most positive results in their children. These are the words that made children feel great both during and after a performance. Here they are:
“I Love To Watch You Play.”
That’s it.
No pressure. No correction. No judgment.
Just pure love of your child using their gift in competition.
This is what the experts learned will help create an emotionally healthy child.
You might wonder if this removes competitiveness and is too lax. If this is all I am to do, then who will instruct my child properly? That is why the team has a coach already. Your job is not to coach. Your job is to support. If you don’t believe this idea to be true, then after reading this article, go pick up MLB Coach Mike Matheny’s book – The Matheny Manifesto – which gives almost the same advice.
Now Dad & Mom – go out and try this with your child this week!
And now you can go read the full article:
What Parents Should Say As Their Kids Perform! by Dr. Tim Elmore by clicking here.
In his book, Death by Suburb, David Goetz indicates that American Christianity has drifted into a focus on success and prosperity and the fulfillment of the American dream. The suburbs developed as a place where those with sufficient means could escape some of the unpleasant circumstances of both city and country life (not living in the stress of the inner city, but also not living too far away from modern conveniences). Doing so provides the residents of the suburbs with a high level of comfort, and now we have allowed comfort and security to become idols for us, discouraging us from doing anything uncomfortable for God. This suburb mentality has infiltrated our Christianity and taken our focus off of radical and dangerous living for Christ and His mission.