Defensive children’s ministry and defensive parenting play “not to lose” the heart of the child to the world. The focus is primarily on protecting children from influences in the world and pulling out great character traits that must already be within the child. The theology beneath the practice is the assumption that the hearts of children are pure and in need of protection.
Theologically, this is deeply flawed. We are not pure from birth but are terribly sinful — sinful from the time our mothers conceived us. So the hearts of children ultimately do not need protections but transformation.
–Matt Chandler
No matter whether you feel that some of Chandler’s words may be too strong or not… I think the final sentence is right on track – the hearts of children (and all people) need transformation. Therefore the encouragement is not to be reactive in a defensive manner on how to protect your child from each new harmful influence that pops up. Instead, take the offense and begin to actively disciple your child so that he or she is being transformed into the likeness of Jesus.
And certainly that is easier said than done, but as I have shared with dads – we actively teach our children how to play ball, how to hunt and fish, how to interact with others, how to do their homework, etc…. but we often throw up our hands and say “I don’t know how to disciple my child, so I’ll just leave it to the church.” This is relinquishing your responsibility. If you don’t know how to disciple your child toward Christlikeness, then go get some help. You would go get help if you weren’t sure how to help your child complete their math homework, so go get help on how to be a disciple-making parent who takes the offense and shoulders the responsibility for transforming your child into the likeness of Jesus.