Tag: children

Categories
Christian Living

I am not the center of everything. And . . . neither are you.

We all want to understand what life is all about. We want to know what to focus on. But when we think of ourselves as the center of the universe, and want everything and everyone to revolve around us, we elevate the wrong “center” and find ourselves frustrated and ultimately unsatisfied.

a question mark in the center of a maze to ask "what should be placed at the center?"
So what should be in the center?

The reason for this frustration is that when we put too much emphasis on the wrong center, we are expecting fulfillment from something that can’t provide it. It’s like climbing a ladder to the top of a building, only to discover you placed the ladder on the wrong building. Only when we learn what (or Who) should be properly placed in the center of life will we begin to experience true fulfillment and satisfaction. And spoiler alert – the only correct center… is God.

Now some may say, I don’t believe in God. I don’t like the idea of an ultimate Being that has created all things and guides all of life and history. But just because a person doesn’t like an idea, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

C.S. Lewis points out: “A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.”

This quote is a reminder that I am not the center of all things. God is. But it’s hard to remember. It is so easy to make everything about me.

Here is an excerpt from the book Awe by Paul David Tripp that explains it well:

We quickly replace awe of God with awe of self.

This means that no story will be more important to me than my story. I will ask no bigger question than the question of how I am doing. I will have no bigger concern than my satisfaction and comfort. I will ask life to serve me, to submit to my interests, and to deliver whatever I demand. This viewpoint will guarantee me a life of huge disappointment.

The Bible calls the person who lives this way a fool (see Psalm 14). The problem is that all sinners replace God with something else. It is as natural and intuitive to us as breathing. Putting ourselves in the center of our awe is the DNA of sin.

We need our awe changed over to God… So that we will not only live in awe of God but will pass that awe down to the generation that follows.

Parents, you are called by God to inspire worshipful awe in your children. You have been called to something that is profoundly deeper than being a lawgiver, a law-enforcer, and a punishment-deliverer. You are to exercise your authority in such a way that it gives your children eyes to see the awesome presence, power, authority, and grace of God.

When our children are blown away by the glory of God, they will be more likely to reach out for his grace and submit to his will.

May we help our children, our spouses, and ourselves put our awe in the right place. Standing in awe of God, placing Him in the center, is the only way to true joy and life. quote from c. s. lewis - "I was made for another world."

(And on another note – Thank you for the encouragement earlier this week when I began posting again. My plan is to post here a couple of times a week. On a few other days a week, I’ll also post some smaller snippets, quotes, or thoughts on Facebook.)

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Categories
Relationships

I Recommend that You Find Out Your Spouse’s Love Language

Do you know your love language? Do you know your spouse’s? How about your children’s?

Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, has been around for more than 20 years. And it is still a powerful resource to help us love those around us – our spouse, our children, our family members, even our friends and co-workers.

Even if you do not read the rest of the post after this sentence, be sure that you go to this Five Love Languages Website Link to take the free on-line test to discover your primary love language. And then get your spouse and children to take it. And then share with each other the languages that mean the most to each of you.
     (The free assessment consists of 30 questions and only takes 10-15 minutes to complete)
a graphic showing the five love languages
Dr. Gary Chapman has hit on a fundamental principle for us all in his discussion on love languages, as he indicates that:

  • Love is an emotional need. If we know we are loved, the whole world is bright, but if we don’t have love being poured into us, we are likely to feel lonely and unappreciated.

  • Inside each of us is an emotional “love tank” that needs to be filled with the “right fuel” to help us feel loved.

  • Each of us has a primary love language, and we expresses love in the way that comes naturally to us. And since it is rare for a couple to speak the same love language, each person must learn to show love in the way that their spouse needs to receive it.

  • Love is a choice – something we do for the other person. We can and must learn to speak our partner’s primary love language, or we may wind up with our partner feeling unloved despite our sincere effort to love them.

  • Remember that when speaking your partner’s love language “doesn’t come naturally” to you, and yet you make the effort to do so anyway, you are showing your partner just how important they are to you.

  • The issue is not being comfortable, the issue is choosing to love.

  • It takes practice, practice, practice, but the results will be worth it!

    • The Love Chapter found in the Bible at 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 provides us with a look at the selfless nature of God’s love that we should take in and then pour out to our spouse and to others. It tells us that:

    Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    Are you willing to learn the love language of your spouse and your children and then selflessly provide love to them in a way that might not always come naturally to you?

    .

    Categories
    Parenting Salvation

    Parents, Children, and Salvation Questions

    I often have parents come to me with salvation questions regarding their children, such as:
        Do you think they are ready? and
        Do you think they are too young?

    child with hands over his face with question marks floating around - symbolizing salvation questions
    Christian parents want their children to know Jesus and His salvation, but they want it to be real. Therefore, parents are often worried about pressuring their children too early.
    (This discussion is based out of the Baptist framework of children being baptized after belief in Jesus for salvation.)

    So here are a few aspects of salvation that parents need their children to understand:
       (I adapted much of this from another source, and though I usually keep up with sources, I somehow have lost this one)

    The Concept of Sin
    Every person (including children):
       1. Must understand what sin is.
       2. Must know that he/she has sinned.
       3. Must understand that when he/she sins, it is against God.
       4. Must believe that sin separates him/her from God.
       5. Must feel sorry for his/her sin and want to cease sinful actions (repent).

    How do Children Become Christians?
    The same way adults do! After hearing the gospel message of what Jesus has done and then desiring to be saved, each of the following elements must be present:
       1. Repentance – not just knowledge of sin, but sadness over the sin & the desire to reverse his/her direction into whole-hearted obedience to God.
       2. Faith – trusting in, believing in, & depending on Jesus for salvation.
       3. Confession – committing one’s life to serve Jesus as Lord (King/Master).

    My Child Is Asking Questions About Salvation and Baptism. Is He/She Ready?
    Children ask questions about lots of subjects because they are naturally curious. When it comes to their asking questions about salvation, do not confuse curiosity with readiness for salvation. These two items are distinctly different, but the curiosity is a great starting point to begin the conversations with your child about becoming a follower of Christ.

    Children need to clearly know the difference between:
       1. Becoming a Christian
          This is Step 1: the most important step – Jesus transforms our lives.
       2. Being Baptized
          This is Step 2: baptism being a symbol that tells the world of our connection to Christ, our obedience to Him, and our fellowship with all other believers.
       3. Becoming a Member of a Church
          This is Step 3: our decision to unite with a local group of believers. The first church we join is the one in which we are baptized, but we are to continue to be connected to a local body throughout our lives so that we can support, encourage, and sharpen one another throughout our lives as Christians.

    To the Parent who is worried about whether your child is “ready” or not:
    If your child (or children) know the concepts of the ABC’s of salvation well, then I would recommend the following steps:
    1. Go ahead and pray with them, encouraging them to confess Jesus as their Lord and Savior. This is never a bad idea, not even to do multiple times, even if you would like to hold off on baptism for a while to make sure that they understand the gospel and salvation.

    2. Have them talk with your pastor so he can sit down with them and ask them the same questions that should be asked of everyone before joining the church, so he can also hear their answers to the questions. That way everyone can be in agreement about whether your child is ready for salvation, baptism, and church membership.

    3. You can share with them that you want them to wait a bit longer to be baptized, because you want to make sure of two things that occur with people their age who are baptized:
         a. many times children their age want to be baptized because other people are making the same decision, and while we don’t think that is the case with them, we want to wait just a bit more time to make sure they are certain of why they are being baptized.
         b. many times when children their age are baptized at such a young age, they have a hard time remembering it, and we want them to be able to remember it because it is so important for every person.

    I have baptized young children, but I do know that it is harder for them to remember the event the earlier the age at which they are baptized. And that can sometimes lead to doubts later on, such as in the teenage years, of asking: “Did I really understand what I was doing back then?” When that occurs, my questions to them are: Did you know you were a sinner then? Did you believe Jesus died on the cross? Did you believe Jesus rose again? Did you want Jesus to be your Lord? Did you have a conversation about this with your parents and/or pastor? If your answer is yes to all the questions, then yes, you can trust that you were saved and you understood it at a 7-year-old level, and as you have grown older you have also grown in your understanding of Jesus and what He did to save you from your sin.

    I was 8 when I was baptized and I don’t remember much about the experience. But I do know I was saved with an 8-year-old understanding and now I understand it with a 44-year-old understanding. I have come far, but I still have much more to learn about salvation. Our church’s current youth minister was 7 when he was baptized and he remembers his experience quite vividly. He also agrees that he was saved with a 7-year-old understanding and now he understands salvation at a deeper level.

    So I would say:
    1. If your child has a handle on the concepts, then certainly have them pray with you about salvation.
    2. Determine if you want them to go ahead and be baptized or if you feel they should wait a bit longer.
    3. Let your pastor know what you decide, and bring your child to talk to him.
    4. Allow your pastor to go over it again with your child, and if he also feels that they are ready, then celebrate their salvation, no matter whether your decision is for them to “wait-a-while” or “go ahead and be baptized.”

    .

    Categories
    Parenting

    What to Say to Your Kids When You Watch Them Play, Cheer, Dance, etc.

    Actually, today is a repost of mine from a few years ago, but I wanted to reshare it because of its helpfulness to parents as you go watch your children perform in various activities.

    My previous post was also on parenting: What to say when someone is mean to your child. If you missed it click here.

    Today I want to share with you another parenting article I found a few years ago written by Dr. Tim Elmore. This is an excellent read with very helpful advice for everyone with children or grandchildren, nephews or nieces, and basically if you know any children at all. Your kids (or grand-kids) are involved in lots of stuff. Most every parent will take time to watch their child perform in various activities. Many children will participate in sports, but this advice also carries over into other activities such as recitals, spelling bees, marching band, dance, school plays, whatever your child is engaged in.When they are participating in these activities, what do you need to say to them as you watch?

    kids playing baseball who had to give up some time and effort to play the game
    Photo by matthew_hull from Morguefile.com

    Before I provide you with a link to the full article, let me give you the summary to whet your appetite and give you the key piece of knowledge and the six-word sentence you should use:

    No one has more at stake in their performing child than the child’s parents.
    They love their child, they’ve invested in their child.
    But they can also put intense pressure on their child.

    Student-athletes say: “I feel like I’m never quite good enough; I can never fully please my parents.”

    A parent’s role should be one of “supporting and letting go.”

    The most liberating words, the most healthy words, that parents can speak to their student-athletes (or other performing children) are quite simple. Here they are…

    Before the Competition, say:
    Have fun!
    Play hard!
    I love you!

    After the competition, say:
    Did you have fun?
    I’m proud of you!
    I love you!

    After much research, experts suggest six simple words that parents can express which will produce the most positive results in their children. These are the words that made children feel great both during and after a performance. Here they are:
    “I Love To Watch You Play.”

    That’s it.
    No pressure. No correction. No judgment.
    Just pure love of your child using their gift in competition.

    This is what the experts learned will help create an emotionally healthy child.

    You might wonder if this removes competitiveness and is too lax. If this is all I am to do, then who will instruct my child properly? That is why the team has a coach already. Your job is not to coach. Your job is to support. If you don’t believe this idea to be true, then after reading this article, go pick up MLB Coach Mike Matheny’s book – The Matheny Manifesto – which gives almost the same advice.

    Now Dad & Mom – go out and try this with your child this week!

    And now you can go read the full article:
    What Parents Should Say As Their Kids Perform! by Dr. Tim Elmore by clicking here.

    Categories
    Relationships

    Parenting Expectations And A Helpful Idea

    picture of a dad, mom, and a baby - reminding us that the role of parents is to be disciplemakers for their childrenA few posts back, I mentioned that expectations in parenthood sometimes are not met the way we had hoped.
    (Anyone care to share some examples? I’m sure you have plenty!)

    Though they are more precious than you thought possible, and though they allow you to love in ways you didn’t know you had within you, it does not take long to realize that your children are not perfect angels. But then again, once you do some self-examination, you also quickly realize that you aren’t a perfect parent. Parents need help and guidance and direction to help be the best disciplemakers possible for the precious ones in their care. Let me share something I read not too long ago that might be helpful as you continue down this road of disciple-making parenthood:

    “Children must be impressed with the awesomeness of Christ, with His nature and character. They must see in their parents a sense of awe for the beauty and attractiveness of Christ. They must see what it means to treasure Christ more than anything else. Children are perceptive, and if they see parents and leaders talk with boredom and apathy about faith yet become overtly passionate about sports teams or shopping malls, they will think the sport or the mall is more attractive than Jesus.

    The gospel is impressed on children by what they see in parents and leaders; thus, those who lovingly live a godly life in front of children are heroes. If children see husbands who love their wives and treat them with respect, they learn that Christ, the Bridegroom, pursues and loves His bride unconditionally. If they see leaders and parents hungrily devouring the Scripture, they learn that adults need Jesus for strength each day. If they see leaders forgive someone else, they will learn that their heavenly Father is eager to forgive.”

    What lessons about Christ and the Christian life have you tried (or are trying) to show to your children using your own life as the example?

    (Quotes from ‘Creature of the Word’ by Matt Chandler)