Tag: children

Categories
Relationships

Things We Get Wrong, part 2… Children.

Wrong Thing #2. “Children are Annoying.”

rusty children playing sign to symbolize how we get things wrong with our childrenSure, some of you might be thinking: “That statement is neither wrong nor a myth…I see plenty of annoying kids throughout the week. Sometimes they are even my own.”

Okay. Point taken. As a youth and children’s minister for more than 12 years, I saw some children who were annoying, but that was usually because we adults had made some pretty dumb mistakes in modeling right behavior for them. Which might mean that we adults are pretty annoying and have shown our children how to do it well. Anyway…

What I actually mean to say about children being annoying is that we often get annoyed by children for the wrong things. Specifically, I am thinking about church. And this isn’t a new problem. Even the disciples thought that interacting with children was “beneath” Jesus, who obviously was so important that He didn’t have time to spend with bratty kids. Of course, Jesus straightened the disciples out on that issue quickly!

And so we come to church, and we find ourselves getting frustrated with small ones in our church services, ending up with an attitude very similar to the disciples.

Parents bring their child to church, and the child turns a bit fussy in the worship service. So we have these infants and toddlers in service… the ones who might cry during a prayer or talk a bit loud such that we can’t hear all that the preacher is saying or they are squirmy and distracting. And so we get a bit annoyed.

At the very same time, those same parents are worrying and fretting over the fact that their child is disrupting the service in some way. They are trying all the tricks in their “parenting bag” to get them to stop. At that point, some of these parents wonder why they even came to church that day. They are so very apologetic to others around them. Often they even come and apologize to me after service, thinking that I must have been distracted or frustrated with them.

But the truth is that if we stop and think about what it means – that these parents have thought that church is so important that they have gotten up early, struggled through waking up their children, getting them fed, getting them dressed, having to change them into another outfit because the first one just got messed up with milk and cereal, now packing them all in the car, and then bringing them to church where they can hear about God…

These parents are so serious about getting their children to a place where they can learn about Jesus. When we realize this, then we should celebrate the fact that we hear crying in our sanctuary, we should pride ourselves on the fact that our church has committed parents, we should be filled with joy that we get to see a new generation for Christ being raised in front of our eyes.

So, thank you parents for bringing your fussy children to church. They are not annoying. They are a great reminder to us that God is at work in your life and you want Him at work in their precious lives!

We can get things wrong and be just like the disciples if we don’t think deeply about what is taking place in our own sanctuary and church. And parents, also know that when your child is being a distraction, it is usually because the children’s minister is making faces at them and just having an overall great time antagonizing them from two rows back. I know I always enjoyed doing so! (just ask Gail Carr, Angela Gill, or Trent & Shannon Favre!)

In fact, I still get a few occasions to do so as a pastor! (just ask the Russell’s, Liggett’s, James’, McGee’s, Thomas’, Wagner’s, etc. ect.!)

Keep bringing your children to church. If you don’t, I’ll get annoyed.

Categories
Christian Living

Reshaping Yourself

A lot of us look in the mirror and don’t love what we see. And I’m not just talking about physical appearances. Though you are probably your biggest critic regarding the image that looks back at you from the mirror, you are also the only one who truly knows your heart. And for many of us, we still aren’t pleased with who we are internally. We want to be in the process of reshaping and remolding ourselves, but maybe we haven’t quite figured out how.

Here is the simple answer:

“What do you love? You will certainly become what you love.”

Seriously? How can this be the answer? It has to do with our hearts. What we allow our hearts to pursue continues to shape who we are. That works both for negative habits and traits as well as for godliness. For example,

“Do you love holiness? Then you will become holy. Do you love the Word of God? Then you will become like Christ, the living Word. Do you love the name of Jesus? Then your life will manifest His name before all men.”

I agree with these authors who have simply stated the truth – as you love and pursue God, you will become more godly and righteous.

Not only does God want this for you, but you also owe it to yourself and to your children. You were created to point people to God and as you do so you will find that you love fulfilling that purpose.

“You owe it to God to illustrate His name beautifully before your children. How far are you willing to go to paint that picture? …How committed are you to calling sin, sin?” How willing are you to move toward more holiness and Christlikeness? As you spend more time with Christ, you will see “more clearly than ever that you have no right to stay the same wherever you’re missing the Lord’s mark. You must walk normally like Christ and listen well to the Spirit so that you can complete the task at hand.”

We work out and run and sweat in the process of reshaping our bodies, but until we engage in reshaping our inner self, we will never be satisfied. Reshape yourself into the image of Jesus by falling more in love with Him.

(quotes are from Every Man’s Challenge by Arterburn and Stoeker)

Categories
Relationships

A Very Important Tip for ALL Parents! (On Speaking To Your Children)

Parents… Dads… Moms… This is a MUST READ article from Dr. Tim Elmore called What Parents Should Say – Tim Elmore
(Grandparents, you should read it too!)

I don’t often recommend or link to other blogs and articles… but this one is so very important.

Here is why – It is so important because most every parent will take time to watch their child perform – many in sporting events! But this also translates over into other activities such as recitals, spelling bees, marching band, dance, school plays, whatever your child is engaged in.

Please, don’t stop at reading my excerpt below. Read the entire article. But here is the gist… the key statements from Dr. Elmore to whet your appetite for more –

No one has more at stake in their performing child than the child’s parents.
They love their child, they’ve invested in their child.
But they can also put intense pressure on their child.

Student-athletes say: “I feel like I’m never quite good enough; I can never fully please my parents.”

A parent’s role should be one of “supporting and letting go.”

The most liberating words, the most healthy words, that parents can speak to their student-athletes (or other performing children) are quite simple.

Before the Competition:
Have fun!
Play hard!
I love you!

After the competition:
Did you have fun?
I’m proud of you!
I love you!

After much research, experts suggest six simple words parents can express that produce the most positive results in their children… what made them feel great both during and after a performance. Here they are:

– “I Love To Watch You Play.”

That’s it.

No pressure. No correction. No judgment.
Just pure love of your child using their gift in competition.

Now Dad & Mom – go out and try this with your child this week!

And go read the full article at: What Parents Should Say…

Categories
Parenting

Teaching Children To Fail

Are you teaching your children to fail?
A paper with a grade of F = fail
K-Love has “Life Change Moments” and one from earlier this year was a good reminder of a powerful lesson that we all need to teach to our children – Teaching our children to fail well.

The statement made was that we go get our child ice cream they win the basketball game with the final shot, celebrating their victory. However, if they miss that last shot, we hang our heads and try not to talk about it, indicating to them our shame and disappointment. What we need to do instead is to teach that failure is part of life. We need to be honest and transparent with our own failures, telling our children at dinnertime about the bone-headed mistake that we made at work today.

I agree with this “Life Change Moment.” I’m not saying that we need to congratulate our children’s failures, but that we should be realistic and let them know that failure is normal and not shameful. I’ve seen too many children & teens brokenhearted due to seeing their parent’s intense disappointment due to the child’s failure (or lack of success) at a sporting event or some other competition. It is so easy to show our disappointment with our children’s failures and poor choices without ever letting them know that we adults also make poor choices and have failures. So let’s be honest and transparent and teach our children to fail well – learning not to be shamed, but rather to use failure as an instructor and motivator to help us learn how to succeed in the future.

God, Help Us To Change Our Conversations – even with our children!

Parents, any practical suggestions on how to do this?

“Spare the rod and spoil the child – that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well.” –Martin Luther

— brian rushing

Categories
Christian Living

Assaulted on Two Sides

We saw a horrific physical assault during the Boston Marathon leaving tragic consequences for individuals, families, the community, and even the nation. It is frightening to think that without warning, any of us could be under a similar physical attack. We live in a sin-filled world, and it is terrible that some have embraced sin to such an extent that they cannot see how evil their actions are. Our security forces are trying to guard us against this evil by finding the perpetrators and remove them so that they cannot do this again.

At the same time that physical assaults have been leveled at some of our nation, we find a different disturbing situation that has to potential to affect all of us today – a constant spiritual assault trying to destroy our lives. But in this area, it is left up to each person or family to be their own guardian to root out evil and remove it.

close up of a remote control to represent the spiritual assault of the arts, e.g. tv“A massive global assault has been launched upon us, and it is the arts more than any other single force that predominate as an influential agent, molding our character, our values, and our beliefs. This invasion bypasses our reason and captures our imagination” (Ravi Zacharias).

If this is true, then I best be careful what I fill my mind with in regard to music and literature and movies and tv. And parents need to be very careful what they let their children pour into their developing minds.

God tells us to think on the things that are good, noble, and praiseworthy. But I’ve listened to and watched plenty that do not fall into these categories. And in doing so I find that my language gets fouler, my ideas become skewed, and my attitude grows toxic in short order.

I remember talking to parents who would tell me that their children who normally were respectful and kind could become defiant and mean just based upon the shows they were watching. When they cut that channel or show out of the child’s life, the attitude of kindness returned.

As an adult, if I am being honest, I find the same thing true in my life. My internal attitude depends greatly on what I am filling my mind with. So I aim to be more careful with what I put into it. I aim to be more discerning about what I am watching and listening to. And if it is not good, noble, excellent, & praiseworthy, then I pray that God will give me the strength to cut it out of my life.

Have you found this to be true in your own life, or the life of your children?

— brian rushing