Tag: parenting

Categories
Christian Living

I am not the center of everything. And . . . neither are you.

We all want to understand what life is all about. We want to know what to focus on. But when we think of ourselves as the center of the universe, and want everything and everyone to revolve around us, we elevate the wrong “center” and find ourselves frustrated and ultimately unsatisfied.

a question mark in the center of a maze to ask "what should be placed at the center?"
So what should be in the center?

The reason for this frustration is that when we put too much emphasis on the wrong center, we are expecting fulfillment from something that can’t provide it. It’s like climbing a ladder to the top of a building, only to discover you placed the ladder on the wrong building. Only when we learn what (or Who) should be properly placed in the center of life will we begin to experience true fulfillment and satisfaction. And spoiler alert – the only correct center… is God.

Now some may say, I don’t believe in God. I don’t like the idea of an ultimate Being that has created all things and guides all of life and history. But just because a person doesn’t like an idea, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

C.S. Lewis points out: “A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.”

This quote is a reminder that I am not the center of all things. God is. But it’s hard to remember. It is so easy to make everything about me.

Here is an excerpt from the book Awe by Paul David Tripp that explains it well:

We quickly replace awe of God with awe of self.

This means that no story will be more important to me than my story. I will ask no bigger question than the question of how I am doing. I will have no bigger concern than my satisfaction and comfort. I will ask life to serve me, to submit to my interests, and to deliver whatever I demand. This viewpoint will guarantee me a life of huge disappointment.

The Bible calls the person who lives this way a fool (see Psalm 14). The problem is that all sinners replace God with something else. It is as natural and intuitive to us as breathing. Putting ourselves in the center of our awe is the DNA of sin.

We need our awe changed over to God… So that we will not only live in awe of God but will pass that awe down to the generation that follows.

Parents, you are called by God to inspire worshipful awe in your children. You have been called to something that is profoundly deeper than being a lawgiver, a law-enforcer, and a punishment-deliverer. You are to exercise your authority in such a way that it gives your children eyes to see the awesome presence, power, authority, and grace of God.

When our children are blown away by the glory of God, they will be more likely to reach out for his grace and submit to his will.

May we help our children, our spouses, and ourselves put our awe in the right place. Standing in awe of God, placing Him in the center, is the only way to true joy and life. quote from c. s. lewis - "I was made for another world."

(And on another note – Thank you for the encouragement earlier this week when I began posting again. My plan is to post here a couple of times a week. On a few other days a week, I’ll also post some smaller snippets, quotes, or thoughts on Facebook.)

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Categories
Parenting Salvation

Parents, Children, and Salvation Questions

I often have parents come to me with salvation questions regarding their children, such as:
    Do you think they are ready? and
    Do you think they are too young?

child with hands over his face with question marks floating around - symbolizing salvation questions
Christian parents want their children to know Jesus and His salvation, but they want it to be real. Therefore, parents are often worried about pressuring their children too early.
(This discussion is based out of the Baptist framework of children being baptized after belief in Jesus for salvation.)

So here are a few aspects of salvation that parents need their children to understand:
   (I adapted much of this from another source, and though I usually keep up with sources, I somehow have lost this one)

The Concept of Sin
Every person (including children):
   1. Must understand what sin is.
   2. Must know that he/she has sinned.
   3. Must understand that when he/she sins, it is against God.
   4. Must believe that sin separates him/her from God.
   5. Must feel sorry for his/her sin and want to cease sinful actions (repent).

How do Children Become Christians?
The same way adults do! After hearing the gospel message of what Jesus has done and then desiring to be saved, each of the following elements must be present:
   1. Repentance – not just knowledge of sin, but sadness over the sin & the desire to reverse his/her direction into whole-hearted obedience to God.
   2. Faith – trusting in, believing in, & depending on Jesus for salvation.
   3. Confession – committing one’s life to serve Jesus as Lord (King/Master).

My Child Is Asking Questions About Salvation and Baptism. Is He/She Ready?
Children ask questions about lots of subjects because they are naturally curious. When it comes to their asking questions about salvation, do not confuse curiosity with readiness for salvation. These two items are distinctly different, but the curiosity is a great starting point to begin the conversations with your child about becoming a follower of Christ.

Children need to clearly know the difference between:
   1. Becoming a Christian
      This is Step 1: the most important step – Jesus transforms our lives.
   2. Being Baptized
      This is Step 2: baptism being a symbol that tells the world of our connection to Christ, our obedience to Him, and our fellowship with all other believers.
   3. Becoming a Member of a Church
      This is Step 3: our decision to unite with a local group of believers. The first church we join is the one in which we are baptized, but we are to continue to be connected to a local body throughout our lives so that we can support, encourage, and sharpen one another throughout our lives as Christians.

To the Parent who is worried about whether your child is “ready” or not:
If your child (or children) know the concepts of the ABC’s of salvation well, then I would recommend the following steps:
1. Go ahead and pray with them, encouraging them to confess Jesus as their Lord and Savior. This is never a bad idea, not even to do multiple times, even if you would like to hold off on baptism for a while to make sure that they understand the gospel and salvation.

2. Have them talk with your pastor so he can sit down with them and ask them the same questions that should be asked of everyone before joining the church, so he can also hear their answers to the questions. That way everyone can be in agreement about whether your child is ready for salvation, baptism, and church membership.

3. You can share with them that you want them to wait a bit longer to be baptized, because you want to make sure of two things that occur with people their age who are baptized:
     a. many times children their age want to be baptized because other people are making the same decision, and while we don’t think that is the case with them, we want to wait just a bit more time to make sure they are certain of why they are being baptized.
     b. many times when children their age are baptized at such a young age, they have a hard time remembering it, and we want them to be able to remember it because it is so important for every person.

I have baptized young children, but I do know that it is harder for them to remember the event the earlier the age at which they are baptized. And that can sometimes lead to doubts later on, such as in the teenage years, of asking: “Did I really understand what I was doing back then?” When that occurs, my questions to them are: Did you know you were a sinner then? Did you believe Jesus died on the cross? Did you believe Jesus rose again? Did you want Jesus to be your Lord? Did you have a conversation about this with your parents and/or pastor? If your answer is yes to all the questions, then yes, you can trust that you were saved and you understood it at a 7-year-old level, and as you have grown older you have also grown in your understanding of Jesus and what He did to save you from your sin.

I was 8 when I was baptized and I don’t remember much about the experience. But I do know I was saved with an 8-year-old understanding and now I understand it with a 44-year-old understanding. I have come far, but I still have much more to learn about salvation. Our church’s current youth minister was 7 when he was baptized and he remembers his experience quite vividly. He also agrees that he was saved with a 7-year-old understanding and now he understands salvation at a deeper level.

So I would say:
1. If your child has a handle on the concepts, then certainly have them pray with you about salvation.
2. Determine if you want them to go ahead and be baptized or if you feel they should wait a bit longer.
3. Let your pastor know what you decide, and bring your child to talk to him.
4. Allow your pastor to go over it again with your child, and if he also feels that they are ready, then celebrate their salvation, no matter whether your decision is for them to “wait-a-while” or “go ahead and be baptized.”

.

Categories
Christian Living

My Unmet Expectations

There are times when we have “great expectations,” but when the expected event arrived, the reality was much different. For example,

Hands on Steering Wheel symbolizing Unmet Expectations drivingI remember the joy of getting my driver’s license – I had GREAT expectations. Expectations of freedom… of traveling all over town with my friends… of going wherever I wanted to whenever I wanted. And then reality smacked me in the face, as I heard such statements as:
“Go pick up your brother from soccer practice.”
“We are out of milk. Drive over to the grocery store and pick up a gallon… and while you are there, pick up some bread, and some cereal, and also a newspaper, and…

Instead of Mr. Independence, I found I’d become Errand Boy!

Or take marriage for example (don’t worry, I’m going to tread LIGHTLY here!)
But we often have an expectation of marriage that is quite different from reality.

I was told about marriage that: “You will find that you will never be as happy with another person, AND you’ll never be as angry at another person.” Most of us find this to be true. We find that our spouse can take us to both extremes easier than anyone else. Also in marriage – we have these romantic ideas, such as sleeping soundly snuggled up to our spouse. But the romantic expectation is not often the reality. In our house, we have at least two problems that prevent sleeping soundly in our bed like they show on the Sleep Number bed commercials:

#1. My wife, Paige… is a blanket stealer.
She does the grab & roll move, so that I wake up I at 4am in the morning and find myself shivering because I am having to use my pillow as a blanket.
#2. My wife, Paige… says that her husband is a snorer.
But I have never heard it, so I am not sure I believe it. Can you really trust the word of a blanket stealer?

Another Unmet Expectation that I have not experienced personally, but which I know occurs often is in regard to parenting. The expectation that OUR children will be perfect angels – unlike the wild banshee children who live next door! Before you have your own children you say such things as: “I would never let my child act like that. I can’t believe that parent is letting their child do that. I would never be a parent that does that.”

Before you become a parent, you have all the answers of how parenting works… as if it is some simple formula like 2+2 always = 4. Your expectation is that: All you have to do to parent properly is follow the formula and everything will work out fine and your children will be perfect angels. We think all these other parents are just blockheads that have decided not to follow the formula.” But then that precious baby shows up on the scene… and all our expectations are thrown out the window!

The main problem seems to be that all parents fall under the curse that their own parents put on them during childhood by stating: “When you have a child, I hope he/she is JUST LIKE YOU!” And that curse ALWAYS comes true. At which point all parenting formulas go out the window.

As one man said: “When I had no children, I had six different methods for parenting. Now I have 6 children and no methods – I just try to get through each day.”

The problem with Unmet Expectations in these areas and many others is that when our expectations are not met, doubts set in. We might even begin having doubts if we were really cut out for driving, marriage, or parenting. Why aren’t things working out like I expected them to?

Sadly, many people have their faith in God shaken when their expectations are unmet. “I’m a good person. Why is this happening to me? God can’t be a good God if this is happening.” But our unmet expectations do not negate the goodness of God. We have to learn to trust God even when our expectations are not met. Our role in this world is not to have our expectations met as if we are the stars of the story, but rather to exalt the One who is the Center of it all – the true Star of all History.

How do you keep from doubting God when reality sets in and your expectations are not met?

Categories
Relationships

Terrible Parenting Advice – Do As I Say, Not As I Do

pointing finger symbolizing a "do as I say" postureUgh.
What miserable advice.
Have you ever had someone use this on you?
Did you want to strangle them after they said it?

There are people in life who we “look up to” with respect. And we expect those people to live consistent lives. We don’t want to hear people telling us to “do as I say, not as I do.” Especially when our parents say this to us during those growing-up years.

As a youth minister, I had numerous teenagers tell me that their parents told them to behave in ways that these same parents were unwilling to live. Parents saying things like “don’t you dare let me catch you ever smoking ” while holding a cigarette, “don’t you ever let me find out you are drinking” while holding a bottle, “you need to go to church” while unwilling to step through a church door themselves.

Now please don’t get defensive over the three things I just used as examples…we can discuss the merits of these another day. These are just some of the things I heard from teens most often. The point is simply that the inconsistency of such statements when paired with the behaviors is hard for anyone to respect. There is just too much hypocrisy in the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do.”

In the same way as children want their parents to be consistent, we also want to see integrity and consistent behavior in our bosses, police officers, judges, president… anyone who is in authority over us. We don’t want people telling us to be honest if they are deceitful. We don’t want them telling us to “obey the law” when they consistently break it. We don’t want someone telling us we should “be forgiving” when they are full of venom and resentment toward others. So how well do you do in this area of consistent living?

“Right will always be right even if no one is doing it, and wrong will always be wrong even if everyone is doing it.”

Our character is very important to God. Your actions should show your character at all times, even when no one is looking. But we are so good at putting up fake fronts – external actions that in no way resemble our inward feelings. We smile at someone and shake their hands, while we inwardly sneer at them. We say things are great and post a glowing Facebook status to indicate our life is almost perfect when we are actually going through terribly difficult struggles. We can do such a great job at inconsistent living.

Let me give one additional area where many of us Christians struggle with consistency – God’s Word.

a photo of a page of the Bible “Do you think that the Bible is important?”
“Of course.”
“Do you think it has information within its pages that is important for your life?”
“Certainly.”
“What if I offered you money in an agreement where you could never read the Bible again or hear any words from the Bible ever again? Would you take one thousand dollars to never read or hear any words from the Bible ever again?”
“No, definitely not.”
“What about if I offered you $100,000? $1 million?”
“No, the information in the Bible is too important for me to never read or hear from it again.”
“Come on. Just tell me how much money it would take?”
“There is absolutely no amount you could offer me to make that decision, because there is important information in the Bible from God and if I choose to never read it or hear it again, then I won’t be able to discover what God wants to tell me – the Bible is obviously priceless to me.”
“Well, if the Bible is priceless to you, then how much time did you spend reading it last week?”

How can we say we have a priceless book – a book with a value that cannot be calculated – and yet not read it at all during the week? Do we really believe that the Bible is all that important? If we do, then our behavior should become consistent with our belief?

Let’s get rid of the “Do as I say, Not as I do” attitude in every area of our lives – including regarding God’s Word.

What are other times when have you heard this phrase used (and therefore wanted to strangle the person who said it)?

Categories
Relationships

A Very Important Tip for ALL Parents! (On Speaking To Your Children)

Parents… Dads… Moms… This is a MUST READ article from Dr. Tim Elmore called What Parents Should Say – Tim Elmore
(Grandparents, you should read it too!)

I don’t often recommend or link to other blogs and articles… but this one is so very important.

Here is why – It is so important because most every parent will take time to watch their child perform – many in sporting events! But this also translates over into other activities such as recitals, spelling bees, marching band, dance, school plays, whatever your child is engaged in.

Please, don’t stop at reading my excerpt below. Read the entire article. But here is the gist… the key statements from Dr. Elmore to whet your appetite for more –

No one has more at stake in their performing child than the child’s parents.
They love their child, they’ve invested in their child.
But they can also put intense pressure on their child.

Student-athletes say: “I feel like I’m never quite good enough; I can never fully please my parents.”

A parent’s role should be one of “supporting and letting go.”

The most liberating words, the most healthy words, that parents can speak to their student-athletes (or other performing children) are quite simple.

Before the Competition:
Have fun!
Play hard!
I love you!

After the competition:
Did you have fun?
I’m proud of you!
I love you!

After much research, experts suggest six simple words parents can express that produce the most positive results in their children… what made them feel great both during and after a performance. Here they are:

– “I Love To Watch You Play.”

That’s it.

No pressure. No correction. No judgment.
Just pure love of your child using their gift in competition.

Now Dad & Mom – go out and try this with your child this week!

And go read the full article at: What Parents Should Say…